Forging a new path

[bigybiz]

Melo - fight on. Women are much better at the detachment stuff it seems. We've all lived it for years e.g. "How are you - fine".

I'm glad you liked Dead pool. I'll put it on my list. Can I take my 10 year old?

In the end we need to be the best guys we want to be. We so want to change to bring them back - but intellectually we know it won't work.

Early early this morning I heard my WW/WAW on the phone or skype and I so wanted to eavesdrop. Then I remembered that more bad behavior is not the solution. Every action we take is going to be viewed as a threat/attack/etc. So better to take no action - so there is no reaction.

Weekends are tough and it's really easy for everyone to say - get a hobby, meet some friends, go to church. Those can seem like huge steps. I've started decluttering. I get a real charge out of tossing junk out that I'm never going to use again - and I'm not asking her input.

Finding any sense of accomplishment can really be a boost. So if you can't find a friend to hang out with - maybe clean up your tools, fix that thing that is broken, sweep the front steps, help the neighbor unload groceries. You might find a little bit of distraction and motivation to fight on.

[Melo]

Thank you Bigybiz, for both your words and your suggestions. I hear ya regarding being the better man. I have had opportunities to snoop and haven't, I know everything I need to. Now I just need to focus on me.

[Melo]

I just called OM's wife. She said "You know me I'm OM's wife"...so they are still legitimately married! WTF!!??

Oh and Bigybiz Deadpool is totally not ok for your 10 year old, I think you wold enjoy it though!

[Lostman]

The detachment part is very hard for me too Melo. Use the anger positively to focus yourself. Remember you can't be logical with her. She is living in fantasy land and nothing you say will change that.

Channel the anger into positive action for YOU. Hit the gym, go running, drive somewhere, work on car, go hiking, whatever you gotta do.

[bigybiz]

Good job on resisting the temptation. I hope there is not too much fallout from contacting the OM W. I understand why you did it and I would have done the same thing. The one thing you know is there will be fallout. Let's hope it's manageable.

[Melo]

Thanks Lostman, I am definitely going to hit the gym tonight and then go out and play pool tomorrow night. Detachment is key, I just have to fake it till I make it.

Bigybiz, thanks for the props. I felt good about not snooping. I contacted OM's W, but only talked about work stuff. I do have all her contact info just in case and she has mine, in case she sees something fishy. I didn't tell her that though.

[Melo]

Ok so W got home at 3:30am. As I was sitting up on the couch feeling like sh1t, I was thinking about how much of a failure I am. I failed to be man enough to keep my family together (OM is a motorcycle riding, pickup truck having alpha male and my W is a strong woman who needs a strong hand), I am currently sleeping on a couch, looking out a window wondering where my W is...fail. I am living with my in laws in a house that is not mine...fail. We have no living room furniture, no chairs for our table, the kid's beds are broken and we have to move out in 2 months and I have a grand total of -57 dollars in my account...fail. I don't blame my W for not wanting to be with me, I wouldn't want to be with me either.

[bigybiz]

Melo - I'm sorry for the pain you are in. She is trying to hurt you and it [censored]. You must feel trapped and alone.

I feel many of the same things you do. Maybe moving will be a good thing? Getting rid of that negative energy. I'm in no place to be offering advice, but I wish you the best. Maybe you can think of projects/goals you used to have and start those - even in the smallest way. Getting a book from the library, watching a youtube video. Anything to get you some inspiration.

Keep up the good work - you are doing great.

[bigybiz]

Sorry about the censored word. I did not realize that word was on the no fly list.

[Melo]

Yeah brother I do feel trapped and alone. All I have been for the past 8 years has been a father and husband. Now I'm half a father and in limbo land. I left everything behind to move up here to be with her. Now I have nothing, half a family and no one who loves me or looks out for me. No one to tell all the things that happen to me, no one to share with. I really appreciate the encouragement. I will take a look at some Leslie Brown vidoes and try and pretend like I feel ok. One day at a time.