Unsure of what's next

[iwad]

Thanks anime for the empathy. Distance makes everything a bit more terrifying that is for sure, but giving someone space I think does help them think about things with more perspective.

I have been working with my DB Coach Joann (insert amazing) and felt prepared (well as well as I could be), for my call with H - knowing it would set the tone going forward - thanks Cristy for the advice!

I approached it "as if". Stayed calm, validated, and listened...FOR 2 HOURS. It was hard not to defend myself, but instead I bit my tongue and was just very agreeable. I had decided before the call that I was going to be okay with or without H, but would prefer it be with H and I let this attitude shape the call before the phone even rang.

As we were talking (really him, I feel like I maybe only talked for 10 out of the 120 minutes) I made it known that although I do not want the divorce, I understand that this is what he thinks is right and I would cooperate.

This took him aback (do something that will shock them). Then suddenly it became, well I don't "want" a divorce I just don't know what else to do.

He asked me why the change in attitude. I replied, I am making changes to improve me for me, not for you. I will continue to make improvements regardless of where our relationship goes.

SO MANY 180s!!! I felt really proud of myself for sticking to my script and not backsliding.

I was clear that from the beginning of the call towards the end that he felt less sure about the absoluteness of D. I thanked him for the call and then HE asked if we could talk again in the next few days. I said I was pretty busy, but that he could call on Sunday if he wanted, and he said he would (we will see if he does).

Now I know this is a small baby step, and not to run away with it. The bigger step I think was truly believing that when I said I would be happy with or without him (prefer with) that I meant it.