I deleted the recording. I've moved on and have not brought it up since. I made my point either way.
New MC is a lot better but a lot of work. Teaching us to communicate in a way that we aren't blaming each other. We both suck at it! But, you can see how empathy prevents you from overreacting - hopefully we can both get a basic handle on this and use it in real life situations. W is still good with seeing the MC and seems to want to repair things but when asked by the MC the W says I don't know if it can be fixed or if we can have what we once had. MC said, what you had is in the past, you have a blank slate ahead of you to build a new and better relationship. Was a good answer - the MC is very positive and helps undo some of our negative thinking. I wonder sometimes if we can get to at least what we had before, ideally a much healthier relationship but my W seems so negative - it doesn't fill me with hope.
Sorry for not checking back in. Hadn't been much change one way or the other until lately - my wife today said she thinks we need to try a separation with me moving out for a period of time. She says she has read that it has helped a lot of couples reconnect. My wife says she is tired of the heavy feeling around the house. I said we haven't been openly talking and that's part of the problem - that we should talk about how we are feeling and get it out there. I don't know what to do anymore. Our financial issues aren't helping matters and she blames me for not looking hard enough for a higher paying job - there is an argument against her on this as she has been working extremely part-time for years but there is not point in arguing about it at this point so I didn't. She just seems so far removed from me - just seems to be too much for her to get past and I guess living together makes it even harder. For me I'm willing to work at it but she says she's just done. Will try and talk with her tonight after work but it's not looking good. I'm pretty upset right now. Maybe if she gets it all out when we talk and I just provide some acknowledgement and validation it may make her feel better. Problem is it just seems to confirm what she feels and I can see her position of power growing over me. She knows I care and don't want to separate. Feeling overwhelmed!
Hi Thornton - yes, you had mentioned this earlier in the thread and I did notice when I adopted that positive attitude her attitude towards me had been better but I had let that slip. I'm going to turn that back on but I think my wife is really hurt inside and I was wondering if I should write her a letter owning up to the things I've done wrong with an apology. We still haven't talked through all of our issues but she often refers to a list of issues she has and she no doubt feels they are resolved but at the very least never really discussed and acknowledged by me. Or maybe I should just sit down with her and try and get her to let it all out and just take it and not defend. I do feel she has a lot of pent up feelings of hurt she needs to get out and this may be why she is having so much trouble being around me. I think no matter what I need to hear her pain whether I like what I hear or not. It is how she feels. Nothing is going to happen over night but I was thinking if we can talk through the issues and me not be defensive about them perhaps she may see that I'm starting to change. I would say I have changed a lot already but she hasn't been able to see it. I'll try and get back on here on a more regular basis moving forward. It's helpful to get feedback and advice from everyone here.
