Baby steps

[Painter]

Trumpet, no, H is not what you'd call self-aware. It seems like he reacts and acts without questioning his own motives. What he feels and what he does, is just right to him. There's no self-doubt there. Because he wants it, it must be right. Must be nice to feel that way, really!

He finds it painful and exhausting to talk about feelings or problems and does what he can to avoid it. That's part of the reason he doesn't think we're a 'good match' - I want to talk about stuff and he just wants to have his needs met and then hang out with his buddies. I make him question himself and our interactions, and he experiences that as criticism and lack of support.

He can be very authoritarian when I don't agree with him - just today he was yelling 'I'm telling you ...!' when I didn't agree with something he said. And then he says that I'm so difficult and won't listen, and that I don't accept his authority and that's why he wants to D.

Since you've been through the counseling process, you'll know what I'm probably like having done that on and off since I was 20, and on top of that studied psychology. I have no problem talking about the human experience! And I have really enjoyed the DB process for myself.

Maybe we really are ill-suited... Even the MC asked how *on earth* we had ended up together.

H is nearing retirement age and he is very clear that he doesn't think he'll change or that he even wants to. He experiences counselors as intrusive strangers and he is mostly uncomfortable with them.

I really don't expect to ever see him again once I leave next week... But I will take up residence in your lovely city so I have nice things to look forward to!