The words seem logical and appropriate. I want to email him with facts. I just know that he's ready to fire away. I could give him a barrage of come backs about his lack of parenting for the past year until he got married but then it would lead to more.
I don't know how so many of y'all are so strong when they start throwing out mean things.
The last time he attacked my motherhood and parenting, I defended myself but he came back harder. It went back and forth and he just needs the last word- even if untrue.
GRRR!! This is only PART of the email: I'm not trying to be mean but I must ask are u OK with DS12 failing? I cant think of any other reason with all his failing grades other than the fact u want him to fail. I don't get the privilege to see them every day and I don't get to see them every night. I've tried calling them daily but they will not answer or they keep the conversation very short and scripted. The older boys don't even want to talk to me anymore. Imagine how you'd feel if that happened to you? But guess what>? I wouldn't allow them to treat their mother that way regardless of the situation you and I are in. This is a sad thing for u to allow when I am making every attempt to be there for them as their father who is still alive and all your bills are being paid because of child support and alimony just as I've worked nonstop and paid all the bills for the past 20 years. Its sad and disappointing to be treated this way by DS16 and ignored by DS19. If the boys want to talk to me they need to be genuine and it needs to be heartfelt and come directly from them. DS9 & DS12 have assured me & told me that they love me and they want to see me and they want a relationship with me. I think that is wonderful And I wont allow the older boys negative, unappreciative and disrespectful influence to take that away from them. As I've said before and will say again, this situation between you and I does not have to ugly or difficult. My wife & I have made every attempt to keep lines of communication open. We have continued to financially support you and offer any extra help with the children to ensure their needs are met such as education, medical etc. I currently am not working so I have more than enough time to have joint custody. All I'm asking is that you keep lines of communication open. Coparenting is necessary for the well-being & future of these kids. DS9 and DS12 seem to have been adjusting very well when they come for their visits with us. They are relaxed & lots of fun.
Soooo... First - I don't want our children to fail. I try to help them every way possible but they aren't robots or puppets. They have minds of their own and learn differently.
Second- no conversation is scripted. They go to another room to speak with their dad. I'm not in the room nor do I tell them what to say. I've mentioned this scenario before where they felt interrogated and the conversations felt weird to them. We all feel that he might have had it recorded.
Third - He mentions that he's a father that is still alive since he's comparing himself to his wife's late husband. Of course XH is alive but boys know he isn't the same. It falls totally with the saying that divorce is like a death but corpse keeps walking around.
Fourth - he is still paying alimony and child support but that will change soon. Alimony was only for 18 mos. and it ends next Feb. Child support will change with new baby and my oldest son graduating in June. I stopped working outside the home 13 yrs ago to homeschool our children but that was a joint decision. I'm still looking for fulltime employment that's flexible for treatment.
Fifth - no offer of anything extra for the kids. Sports, equipment, etc.
Sixth - Lines of communication are extreme texts and emails to which I don't respond. I've never kept him in the dark. He is just overbearing to me and our children. I let him know about our children but then if it's something bad - he blames me.
Seventh - Co-parenting would work for "OUR" children if he and I could be alone and talk. This isn't happening because his wife is always there. Her texts are overly friendly and XH texts say that he wants to be friends etc. but I don't buy it. So I think it's safer to do things separately. I'd rather her not be part of teacher conferences or conversations about my children with XH. He even signed my son's birthday card with Mr and Mrs XH. ?? Shouldn't it be signed by "Dad"?
Sorry for the length. My old lawyer said that XH emails and texts sound logical and my responses are too emotional. ??? I don't want any judge or lawyer to buy into his nonsense.
