The begining of the rest of my new life? (3)

[Ripe]

I have been this past couple of days so upset and angry at STBXW that I decided to trust what I have been learning about myself through meditation.
So, I did a practice called RAIN and discovered that underneath all the sadness and angryness there is guilt.
I feel guilty for the demise of my marriage.
I also feel guilty because I wanted another opportunity and I am not having it. I blew everything.
Maybe that's why, a few hours from flying to the States with my kids, I feel so sad instead of thrilled: I wanted for STBXW to come and she is not coming.
I really need to let her go and walk her own path. Ours no longer touch each other, but I really need to feel that, just knowing is not enough.