RD Movin on 13co

[Vanilla]

Hi Vanillia. I think I still hold onto the hope of reconciliation while knowing it can never happen regardless of Ws thought or actions on the matter. This keeps the contact.

I have been thinking a great deal about your post and I have revisited some of your threads and my notes. You stand and you stand for M. You stand for WW and rebuilding your M. It looks 'stuck' to me, WW has never had to face the loss of RD as her H.

WW makes a mild request or simple observation and RD responds. Pity is a poor base for an M. I think RD sees WW in pain, sad, depressed and seeks to protect her. RD I believe this keeps you stuck. It's guilt that WW has a bad sitch and poor health.

I see guilt RD, over and over. That if you detach then WW will suffer. I think this is keep you and WW stuck in this suspended state.

The irony is this is making the pain shallower but everlasting.

I never contact W , I will answer most of her calls and respond to texts but that's it. I don't pursue ( that I'm aware of ). Maybe you could look at an interaction for me and tell me if I am pursing without realising it

Last night W came to stay for the night and I was out dropping S20 to the pictures with some of his friends.

WW comes and goes as she pleases, it is as if she is playing a role as a wife. As if she is an actress playing a role. If you have ever seen the film 'The Trueman Show' with Jim Carey? The role isn't real.


When I got home W was in the boys shower and when she finished she came into the front room and showed me a picture of her father and my BIL BIL has not aged well and put on quite a bit of weight. I commented and then W went into tell me SIL and BIL are still having problems ( on going for 10 years) Again I commented without any real opinion.

That's ok RD.

W then asked me how she could tell which brake pads were worn in her car as the warning light was on. I offered to look today and then she said she was going to order the pads. Again I offered to fit them when she got them.

RD, WW mentions an issue and you oblique. I think the better answer is "I am sure you can sort it WW. Whilst thinking OM can do that.

I can see how this might be seen as pursuing but I would offer to do this for anyone and have done so for neighbours or guys I work with.

That's rationalising.

W came into my bedroom this morning (she knocked) and made some conversation and left with D11 to get shopping I got dressed and left for the day. W leaves at 5pm to collect OW. I will return after.

You are having difficulty referring to your W as a WW.

W called a while ago and asked if I had left the town as she needed something collected from Post office and she had no photo ID ( Parcel was delivered to my house but no one answered door ) I had left the town so said so and said sorry.

Firstly why is WW using your home as a postal address? Time things were delivered to her home or OM. Why apologise?

Vanillia , am I pursuing?

Absolutely you are.

I am always up beat when talking to W , dressed well because I almost always do anyway at this stage and W will comment on how well I look or how nice my hair is. She praises me for how Im a good dad and kids are lucky to have me.

Crumbs.

I never mention her life and even when she leaves herself open for truth darts I don't fire them.

so you give her an easy ride? There are absolutely no boundaries here RD. Grateful for any nice crumbs WW delivers.

My take on my sitch is W regrets her choices ( she has apologised and admitted she was wrong for her actions ) BUT she is also accepting of her life now and will continue with it. I believe she thinks I've moved on and no longer wish to have an R with her so DB wise , I've done a decent job.

RD, yes and no. Until WW feels that you have detached and senses she is no longer allowed cake then it's unlikely to change.

I suppose we all reach a point where we have to move forward and while I'm not there on the inside and think W is She has OM ( whatever that maybe be) and her new life. It may not be great but it's what she has She is still very friendly to me and obviously cares for me but the desire to be M to me is gone.

Firstly that's mind reading and secondlyrics WW is stilling playing at being M to RD. Sweetheart she hasn't yet had to think about the loss of her M. I think it's good old fashion guilt on your part.

I would appreciate your comments because I am down at the moment and it's my own thoughts that have me there.
Bruv, I love you very dearly. I would very much want your M to repair and I do believe until you detach and set boundaries then it won't.

Could I have done more ?

RD you can choose to do LESS. This would be a 180 for you. WW should not live in your home, you don't live in hers. You repair her car and she drives OM around in it.

I truly know it's too late but I still have doubts as to if I could have acted differently

No RD, now is the time. The time is now.

Thanks and take care. Rd. xx

I am preparing a post on guilt and am still marinating still.

V