Ghost, got your post. I came out of semi-hiatus to give you some words of encouragement.
The body does what feels good, the ego does what looks good, and the soul does what is good. The body, ego, and soul duke it out every day. Every time you give in to your lower self (body and ego) it lowers your self-esteem. Every time you do the right thing (what your soul knows is good), it raises your self-esteem. You cannot control your sitch, but you can control your response to it. In that sense, you have more power than you know. You have to leave the self-pity party (I have no balls, etc...) and go do the right thing. Like Sandi said, don't worry about the "what ifs". You know exactly what the right thing to do is - you said so in your post - now go do it.
Good luck,
RAI
P.S. This is something that I, too, struggle with. You are NOT alone.
