WW online EA

[sandi2]

Question about parenting. Sometimes my youngest cries and talks about wanting mommy to come home. Should I share with her how much pain her choices are causing the kids by facetiming her and letting them tell her that? I am going to get them into some counseling to help them out, and learn what is best for them (i.e. me comforting or if FT is better. I will follow the professional recommendations for what is best for kids, but would this be pursuing? I'm thinking just to text and say they want to talk to her. She is in denial about the pain D will/is causing the kids.

If she is in denial about the pain D will cause the kids, why do you think any attempts at guilting her will change her mind?

I saw my little grandchildren go through the same thing. When they were with mommy, they cried for daddy, and then cried for mommy when with daddy. Divorce and adultery are very ugly. It hurts the LBS, the kids, and the extended family.

I'm glad you are going to turn to someone who will know how to deal with a child's pain when their parents split up.

Meet with L yesterday and since she now has a job, they think she should be the one giving me money and not the other way around (I give her the minimal amount of $$ for meals when she has the kids). If there was a D, she would be the one required to pay child support even though I make a lot more. I am not sure this is good DB'ing to tell her that she now needs to provide for them herself @ the very minimum for the time she has them.

Also, thoughts on telling her she should now be responsible for her car payment, get her own car insurance, and open her own checking account or I that I can remove myself from our joint if she prefers?

This ^^^^, after you just agreed to give her money b/c she doesn't have enough? Personally, I would have suggested you gave her the car payment & insurance in the beginning, but now I think you need to follow the advice of your lawyer, if you plan to use one.

Is it just me, or have you gone from wanting to give her what she asks.....to wanting to do something that will shock her so much that it will snap her out of her waywardness?

My advice is for you is to stop reading her journals and start focusing on making a better life for yourself. Stop thinking of ways to get a reaction from her. I know you are hurting, and maybe a part of you wants her to have some pain, too. Before you make decisions, check your motivation behind the decision very closely.

I am for applying tougher love when there is a wayward spouse involved, however, I believe the LBS needs to know what and why they are doing something.....and not bouncing all over the place. Until you can become more stable in your thinking, I am concerned you could be creating more problems. Think things through for a long time before acting. Check with your lawyer before you do something, b/c you could really mess things up if you get in the way of whatever your lawyer may be doing.

There is a big difference in tough love and vindictiveness. One has love in it, and the other doesn't.

I'm glad you are talking out your thoughts here, instead of jumping into something and then telling about it. Maybe it helps to just put it down in words.