WW hope to reconcile

[J5K]

Sandi

I did not ask the coach. I will next time. Today I dropped the kids off to visit with her in Toronto. We had lunch together as a family and then she wanted to talk. She wanted to talk about us being friends. Again we went around in circles about the past.

I asked if she is dating and she admitted she is. I told her great have a good time and hooe she finds what she wants. I told her I am willing to be friends to discuss the boys but other than that she is not a friend to me.

I said I just want to move on. Since the D is dismissed she is now driving the fate of the family and will have to explain to the boys what is happening. Told her if she wants to discuss MR then call me otherwise I dont want to hear from her.

I stated I have given all I can give.

[J5K]

Well,

It sounds like we will be back in courts to see who will get custody of the boys.

She continues to date OMs which she admitted this past weekend. I stated that I am glad she is happy.

I also tried to explain the financial impact of us getting a D. None of that mattered to her. She feels that her job is being a stay at home mom and that since we grew apart that she is OK with being part of the statistics of those who get a D.

We spoke for 3 hours yesterday on the phone and she continued to get angry with me. We just don't fundamentally agree on anything anymore. Based on this conversation my heart has no more love for her as a W. It is in my best interest and the boys to stay where we are and I plan to fight for my family.

She cannot let go of the past and forgive. She asked if I could forgive her for dating and I said yes. She did not know what to say to that but her issues are much deeper than the actions that drove us to this point.

Let's hope the legal system will be on my side.

[sandi2]

Be sure to get a lawyer who will fight for the father's rights! You probably have documented just how little she has been with the kids since she took off to Canada. If nothing else, you can refer back to your threads to help you with some dates, etc.

My heart hurts for you and the boys, but it's hard to find sympathy for a woman who refuses to get a job and uses her kids as her excuse...yet she doesn't want to behave like a responsible & mature mother.

Jim, please keep us posted as to how things go. I am sure your hands will be full, yet I feel you can do what you need to do. And, never doubt that you are a good dad! Who knows what she may try to pull, but don't let her scare you. You've got this, okay?

((hugs))

[J5K]

So today we spoke and she said she is finding a new L and going to ask for change of domicile for the boys. She said she wants 50/50 custody. She asks why we can't come up with a solution for the boys.

I am fine with whatever the courts decide and she keeps arguing why we have to take it to court.

Again she keeps saying she is not going to work so I guess she will just be living with her parents. She said she is going to finish the basement to add another room at her parents house and now sell the house that is being built.

I did everything I could to save the M and she is not interested so now I am going to protect my rights as a father and keep my boys.

She stated she would move to Michigan to have 50/50 and in the next breath she says we need to figure out a way to have 50/50 custody with her living in Toronto.

I don't know how this will go but it will be difficult for the entire family.

[J5K]

So DB coach says that I really have not changed. He says that I continue to be as much of a roller coaster as she is.

I said it is time for me to drop the rope. I cannot let someone continue to manipulate me into doing things and not get anything in return. I value who I am too much and have recently realized this.

I know from W's perspective that she will validate she is correct, that I haven't changed since I am not moving to Toronto, but I am not going to be a door mat either and allow her to justify her actions of dating an OM to be OK. That is my boundary. I have more self respect for myself than that and will not allow her to make me feel guilty for choosing this path instead.

I suppose time will tell if she will ever wake up and see what a good person I am and come back, in the mean time we will be growing apart and both love our 5 boys the best we can.

[CWOL]

Are your boys in Michigan or Toronto currently?
Seems like a custody nightmare across national borders!

[sandi2]

So DB coach says that I really have not changed. He says that I continue to be as much of a roller coaster as she is.

What did the coach suggest you do?

[InLikeFlynn]

If she wants 50-50 then she has to move close by. No judge will move the kids from their school area. So at best she gets visitation when she come to Michigan and then alternating holidays and maybe half the summer. something like that.

[J5K]

Sandi,

He said I need to take care of myself. I have not gained any weight back that I have lost.

He also feels that I still have resentment towards her even though I don't think I do. I still care about her and wish things would be different but I have to stop asking her to reconcile. I just don't think I should expose myself to living in the same city just so she can cake eat and have me available when she feels and use the boys as an excuse. It is 25% more expensive to live there and if we are separated then it makes things even more difficult yet she does not understand that.

Yesterday she could not believe I changed my mind about transferring to Toronto. I cannot give anymore without getting some respect from her and that would mean no more OM.

[J5K]

They are currently in Toronto but we are meeting halfway tomorrow to have them come back to Michigan.