1313, my husband had all his saving spent... fortunately, I have my own money and apartment, I have a job. Husband traveled twice last year. Last summer he had some money owed to bank already but still he planned a trip to Europe. I did not expect the debt is increasing and he has no intention to pay.
H : 40 Me : 42 kids : 0 Married 9 years BD/verified ow : Sep. 2014 Moved out : June 2015 he enjoy hanging with young people he had hair style(outfit) changed he had all his money spent he drank a lot (he never like alcohol before) he blames me for everything he came from an emotional polluted family, parents fought all the time. he told me he felt something wasn't right when my grandma died 2012 spring.
I have a question, it had been a month, after our new year holiday, husband did not contact me at all, zero phone calls, he had his facebook account deactivated. I have no idea of what he is doing. Is it normal ? Is it fine to leave him there for a while, isn't it ?
Thank you, Babe H : 40 Me : 42 kids : 0 Married 9 years BD/verified ow : Sep. 2014 Moved out : June 2015 he enjoy hanging with young people he had hair style(outfit) changed he had all his money spent he drank a lot (he never like alcohol before) he blames me for everything he had multiple affairs he came from an emotional polluted family, parents fought all the time. he told me he felt something wasn't right when my grandma died 2012 spring.
Yes, it's very normal for them to avoid contact and disconnect things such as facebook, etc. After all, he doesn't want anyone to know what he's doing and w/whom. As I have stated many times on the forums, leave them alone. They know where you are and if he needs something, he'll contact you. When he does, be civil, don't ask personal questions or go into relationship talks. Listen to what he says and go from there.
For now, keep the focus on you and your life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dear Job, I'm getting better and feeling better, THANK YOU SO MUCH for getting back. Learned a lot from the posts of this forum, I appreciate the help from you and the other great writers of the forum !
Gained some weight and sleeping pretty well in three months. Moved back to my own apartment for six months and am comfortable to live by myself.
Pardon me for having questions; I know my husband's had affairs(an emotional one at the beginning and physical affair later) I learn from HB that the midlife crisiser trying to have their childhood/parent issue solved when they are having affairs... but I found the two affair partner are at young age(26 and 22) husband even told me the two women are just like his mother in some way. Why husband had affair with 'young' women. Husband's looking for love and emotion substituted from the young women(as the age of his mother when he was a boy) ?
I recall that he kept asking me weird questions before bomb dropped 18 months ago - do you miss the days when we were young ? do you feel like going back to college days? I like the young people in office. They(young people) are so creative. I like the outfit they have, the way they dressed... etc,.
How about an update on your situation? What are doing in the way of GAL activities?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dear Job, just want to write to you, as my GAL activities, I got good idea and I actually did it - I travel alone to visit a Christian priest last week for Easter mass. I enjoy travelling alone, cook food for myself and go shopping, spending time for art exhibition all by myself. Do have female friends, but it is not so bad to be alone.
However something is wrong with me, I'm standing for 19 months and planning to keep on doing it. Thought I'm getting better, but these two days, I got angry with myself, I know husband is 180 opposite from the one I know. Just can't help myself of feeling devastated and hurt. Those bad words he said to me just like mantra playing in my head again. He is not worthy my love but the covenant is for better and worse... What do I do to cool down my head (Lord, help me)
I understand standing requires great patient (studied imLIN's post). The most awful feeling is the lies he told me before and during bomb dropped. I know him and he's got the avoidance personality, he was good at it. I just don't believe this man is the one I married.
Those bad feelings are coming back in two days, I'm overwhelmed by it. I appreciate that you ask/think about me.
Me 42 H 40 Kid 0 BD Sep. 2014 H moved out June 2015
Is it normal ? The feeling comes and goes ? I was quite stable in past three months. Is it normal that you walk certain miles and fall into a hole and than you try hard to crawl and get out ?
Thank you so much Job, you don't know how grateful I am to be here and supported by all of you !!
Yes, it's very normal for your feelings to come and go. You are grieving for a relationship/marriage that has died. People who are grieving when they have lost someone do the same thing. It takes a lot of time and patience to cross over to the other side...in time, the wounds will heal. You will notice that each time you fall down and then pick yourself up, you'll bet stronger.
Be patient w/yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Feel like learning baby step; goodness, I'm 20 months post bombed, am I learning slow? Saturday, I took courage to call husband, really curious about how he is doing, I haven't seen or heard from him for two months. We had no long conversation, he did not spew anymore. Told me about the work he's been doing. Sounds like he's been working all the time, he also told me there will be a trip to Japan of his working team, he will be travelling for 5 days.
Are they(MLCer) really having the mood ? I mean, travelling? vacation ? or they are escaping from the reality? Not to mention he has debt... (I received notice from bank of his credit card bill due, mailed the notice to his office)
Like you said, he kept the secrecy, distant and cold, like we've never married, I'm a stranger to him... this time he was polite through our conversation, does this mean the situation gets better than six months ago (that time he pushes for divorce and spewing severely)
Thank you Job in helping us through this difficult time !
Each person takes as much time as they need to finally detach and understand what MLC is all about. Why did you call your h? Two months is a very short amount of time for him to be quiet. You've got to allow him to come to you when he's ready.
If your h is required to travel for work, then he has to go because it's necessary. You asked about escaping from reality...what do you think drinking, gambling, being a workaholic, the op, sports, hobbies, watching TV, on the computer in chatrooms and yes, even the op are to them when they are depressed? It is called escaping from what ails them and finding something that makes them feel good.
Leave him alone, do not call him unless it is an emergency.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
