WW, My Addiction, Patience, and Hope - III

[trumpet]

Had a talk on the Friday or Sat. before Easter - I got to see a little softer side of my W. I see her as just scared and afraid, and using the anger and words to keep me from getting close to her. It got as far as a hug between us, and her hitting me on the head as I played tuba for Easter - a kind of thing she used to do.

Then, she talks with/sees OM - really don't know, but she was back to being super cold and wayward the last two days, even to the point she's so upset at me that she now wants 80% custody, and I only will get them on the weekends. I have said OK to 3 different parenting plans, but a full week on/week off was a no-go for me. Too much time without seeing the kids - for both of us. Since I didn't cater to her wishes, she went off. Came unglued. I held it together, and vented to my close support network - my buddy going through the same thing, and my brother. Both let me know it's probably my W spewing to cover up the sin and lies she's trying to reconcile within the real world.

The order pulling the removal of my wife from the house stipulated her moving forward with the refi of the house. I want my own place, and trying to get a condo down the street. I'm hoping it will still be available by next month. I don't think my wife is dragging her feet, but she isn't racing, either. So, if the order is agreed to by both parties, no court date in April, and we move forward with the D.

Feeling ups and downs still. Anger and hurt today - bad day at work to top it all off. Tomorrow should be better. I pray for strength and guidance from the great Physician. I lay my sins before him, and he grants me peace.