Baby steps

[Painter]

Thank you, Roiste. I so appreciate all the support on this board.

Our MC (I went by myself today, as I have since May) agrees - she said she sees this all the time (the nice behavior after settling on S or D) and to not be drawn in. She said nothing will change until I walk away, if it changes at all.

I talked to H again about his changed behavior today, and he said it's a mix of relief, a feeling that I can't get to him anymore (emotionally safe from criticism and control), and sadness. He also wanted to ML until I left because he'll miss it and he is attracted to me when I'm physically present. He said he'll leave me alone until I leave because he understands that it's confusing.

These are feelings that are sort of foreign to me. If I broke off a R, I wouldn't try to 'milk it' until the other person moved out. I'd pull away immediately. Otherwise I'd feel like I was taking advantage of the other person. He claims it's a 'guy thing'. Is it?

He said that he feels like he's in a box when he's in the R. That's why he's been hiding emotionally behind a wall. He agrees that he's been doing that, and only came out when it was decided I was leaving. I feel sad that he felt he had to hide like that. I'm sure it got a lot worse with the A because of course I disapproved of that.