Life's a Dance-One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

[2Times2Many]

HaWho's questions are thought provoking and I'll give some more thought to them, but off the top of my head ...

It seems to me that a "person only a fool would leave" is someone who can understand the pain and torment the MLCer is going through and do whatever they can to draw him/her back to "sanity." Granted, there isn't much, but if an opportunity presents itself, I'm all over it.

I don't see anything wrong with a little ego stoking (when appropriate) as their self-esteem is in the gutter and is one of the things that needs to be resolved before they start the journey home. And I think that in some cases, in spite of all the grandiose BS they spout about how great things are with them, they do feel a lot of guilt and doubt. I just think that at some point they will wake up and will gravitate back toward the one who was in their corner all along ... the lighthouse. If not, at least we know we didn't drive them over the cliff. I want to believe deep in my soul that I did all I could, that I was the best, most loving, compassionate, understanding 2T I could be (I'm still working on that) and if he chooses to walk away from that, it's his problem.

I wouldn't be thinking about his LL's right now. I wouldn't be thinking about filling his love bank right now. I'd be thinking more along then lines of being the rock, for when they finally wake up and realize what they've done, the rock is what they will gravitate to.

It looks to me like your H, Mel, was looking for some sign that you were still there ... like Mom in the next room. I think the I love you's are the same thing for him .. are you still there? It's okay to "be there" but based on all I've read, they need to realize that "being there" is a limited time offer. When he says he loves you, I would just respond, "That's nice to hear" or something similar. I would leave the door of doubt ajar in his mind. You can show your love through being the lighthouse ... you don't have to say it.

I could be way off-base. Every sitch is different.

Mel, I completely understand becoming a person you didn't want to be. I was like that for a while ... grumpy, bitchy. bitter. Thank goodness I, like you, recognized that this is not the person I want to be. And I'm much happier with myself.