Hi Lostman, sorry to hear of your trouble. You sound like a very decent and caring man. All marriages loose their spark in time so never beat yourself up about it.
In response to your question (and I'm no expert and in fact a newbie on the board), but if it were me I would refuse sex until you have a sense of confidence in a renewed marriage. Perhaps this means going to MC. I would also want to know every detail about the A and plan how to prevent her falling into that trap in the future. I also wouldn't sleep with my W if she had an affair until I feel the pain it has caused me was healed. I feel if I just slept with her, it would prolong my abuse and lure back in. That's just me though. And I know it's probably easier said than done.
Does her family know about the Affair and that the marriage is against the ropes?
Me37 W33 T:8 M:5 D3 BD 11/2015 EA+PA w boss 12/2015 S 3/2016
Im stronger because I had to be Im smarter because of my mistakes happier because of the sadness Ive known and now wiser because I learned
