The begining of the rest of my new life? (3)

[Ripe]

Last Sunday our army organized an Easter lunch.
I was invited and, through me, my family since they don't know we are separated.
The soldiers have been great friends and a great company in this foreign land.
They hold a mass which I attend every weekend, as my family used to attend for the last years. When I have the kids, I take them with me.
Since the separation last October STBXW stopped coming. So, because of the soldiers rotation, she now knows no one.
It was her weekend with the kids and she came to the lunch, since I told her about the invitation.
I barely spoke to her.
I realized that her refusal to my invitation to Disneyland made more damage than I was ready to accept.
It made me realize my marriage is really, really over.
And when I saw her talking to all my soldier friends as if she had known them for a long time, and especially when I saw her cheerfully talking to the priest she only then knew, I felt her intruding in my world, a world she willingly abandoned.
And since Sunday I have been feeling this volcano or rage consuming me, mixed with hate.
That is why two posts ago I stated I could not bear being forced to forever look at her face for the sake of the kids.
I cannot make her go away even if I that is what I want most!