Your comments to Melo hit home with me in the fact that I have been feeling like a fighter in the ring with only my bare hands while my W is swinging at me with every weapon at her disposal. And this all while I am trying to defend myself but doing so with out inflicting any harm to her in return. And my actions to do good are not intended to harm her, but I cannot keep trying to avoid her perceived harm. As my coach says, make good decisions that are right, but do not do it with the filter of my W.
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Once you give up the "physical" i.e. snooping, arguing, etc - you/me might find giving up the subtle will be easier.
It ain't easy. I often have to say to myself - was what I am feeling/saying could be interpreted as pushy, weak, deceptive, manipulative, controlling, etc. etc.
This is so true to my sitch. I am so worried she is doing something to get at me and I have been focused on who she is talking to and what she is telling them about me that I make myself paranoid. I also try to stay focused on dancing her dance to avoid conflict and harm that I know I appear weak and like a pushover. I do that because she paints me as controlling. I hesitate to take actions that I know are correct, because she has regularly said her anger now stems from me "being all perfect now" only after she has threatened me. Anyway my point is that Thank you for your comments to Melo as they ring true and are a good reminder for me that I can not get lost in the dance with the W, but I must stay focused on doing what is right even though it may be new territory for me.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
