[BrightFuture]

Bringing Job’s post from HaWho’s thread.

Bright,

ADs take the edge off of depression to help them cope w/day-today activities. ADs generally do not make everything go away and sometimes people have issues w/the ADs and come off of them because of those issues. He may or may not recognize that he has depression even though he is on meds. I know that my friend knew that he wasn't feeling well, but would never admit to depression. In fact he asked his GP why he was being described Paxil and the GP told him to go around the corner and request an appointment w/the doctor there. Guess what field the doctor was in? He was a shrink! Of course, my friend didn't do it because he didn't think he needed to see a shrink nor did he take the Paxil. So, the question is this...is your h actually taking the meds as prescribed or only when he thinks about it? I'm sure you don't know the answer to that one.

As for being off the hook for his unhappiness....no one knows the answer to this except your h. He could still be unhappy w/his life and from what you've stated about him changing up some of the decorating in the condo, it sounds like he's still looking for "change" in his life. He's making changes to make himself happy for the time being. Does he have a better chance of coming out of MLC and not getting stuck? The million dollar question will be...has he accepted that he can't change anything from his childhood and is now ready to grow up? They have to face those issues, realize that they weren't at fault and accept that they didn't have any control to change what happened. If they can do that, then they have a better chance to continue moving along, growing up and coming out the other side of their crisis. Again, ADs is not the miracle pill to fixing the MLCer...it just helps them cope with day-to-day life. Eventually, the depression will lift if he continues moving along the path and if he's taking ADs, he may not require them after the crisis is over, but again, no one knows whether he will or not.

Bottom line, he still has to work thru his crisis, ADs or not, in order to come out the other side. Also, people taking ADs should not mix alcohol and/or other drugs w/the ADs, but some ignore the warnings and still drink. It's not a wise thing to do.

There's nothing any of us an do to make the crisis better for them. We can't fix them...they have to do that and that means working thru their crisis at their own speed. If they take ADs, that will help take the edge off the depression, but the depression is still there and again, the crisis' main ingredient is depression. They must work thru the entire crisis to come out the other side. If your h is taking ADs, that's a good thing and it helps him cope w/day-to-day life and work a job.

You already know what I'm going to say, but I'm going to repeat myself again...keep the focus on you. There is no way that any of us can predict what will happen in any situation and your h doesn't know himself at this time. As he works thru his crisis, he will come to realize that you were not the issue of his unhappiness, but he's not there yet and it could take a while for him to get to this point. I would continue to live my life to the fullest and, if and when, he does, come to you to talk about things, I would suggest that you listen and validate. Do not offer any advice unless you are asked. Again, it will happen, but it will be on his time clock, not yours.

Job, I think for H to be on AD meds means it’s got to be really bad for him. Or, he is trying the meds to see if this could make him happier. He is drinking too, I’m sure. Don’t know how much though, I haven’t heard of any reports of him being totally wasted for some time now. I’m sure that he knows that he has an issue (depression), he would not be just taking the meds.

I know that he is still unhappy, searching for that perfect “family” or partner (his comments about the perfect family of that crazy woman) and condo decorations are probably another attempt to see if it will make a difference in his life. And, I’m sure it will, for a while… I think he will be asking for my opinion/validation about the condo re-decoration at some point.

I think the next “logical” step for H would be to seek a help from IC. When he figures that re-decorating, partying with friends, taking AD meds is not making him happy, I think he will try IC. I might be wrong. It depends how bad it is for him and if he is getting any closer to working on his childhood issues.

I’m just curious if there are any patterns of MLCers who come through the crisis and make it to the other side dependent on whether they were taking ADs or not.

Job, I’m well prepared to listen and validate if H ever comes to talk to me. Thanks to this site, people like you, and all the work I’ve done to get me where I am now.

BTW, I had to move some candles to the spare bedroom, because I just could not stand the smell when I was in the living room, LOL. I didn't bring them back where I found them when I left. I think I need to let H know why I did it. Or, maybe not... Depending on who will be at the condo next.