my wife is a waw! trying everything to save it!

[anime92]

I will give you any more information, please ask me questions I feel that will be best, as I tend to ramble and loose track.

For starters

We were on vacation when we had a fight that revealed this situation. It started with (from my perspective at that time) me asking her to not be on her phone and just spend some time together. After I asked this she did get off her phone but she gave me the cold shoulder all at the same time. I wasn't opposed to just sitting in silence but the idea I was proposing was to spend the moment with each other in the moment enjoying our company. The next morning she still wasn't talking to me so I started the conversation and told her that I was afraid that our relationship might be failing, she dismissed this comment by saying "I don't want to talk about this right now." When she said that I wasn't able think I can understand not wanting to get into a fight but I felt she could have at least acknowledged that there was something to talk about and then table it for later. So I kept pushing and then she said that she had given up on the relationship 4 months prior (I was shocked!!! I didn't know anything was wrong at least not in a major way for her to give up) I lost my control of my emotions and just started acting without thinking at this point. I inadvertently called her a b**** while calling myself an a**h*** and I grabbed all of our money and passports and walked out. (Bad move on me, I had no plan and didn't think what I was doing would do anything once I was outside I thought she might come out after me) once I cooled down only 5 maybe 10 mins I came back and she was packing her clothes into one of the suitcases I apologized for taking the stuff and gave her book bag back (that's where everything was) and I asked what she was doing she told me she was going to a hotel for the rest of the vacation (2 nights left) I had another rush of emotional instability angry at myself and the situation at hand I needed to release some energy flowing through my body so I turned around and kicked her luggage, it wasn't that I wanted to kick her luggage I would have kicked a pillow or whatever that's just what was there, she took it as very aggressive towards her, which I can understand, I immediately apologized for my actions but she was scared of me at that time. I knew I had to let her leave and go to the hotel I could do or say anything more.

The days that came after I did all the "wrong" things I begged I pleaded I apologized and all the usual initial thoughts. I meant every word I said in all my apologies and every promise to change my actions or behaviors that I had been ignorant to thus far.

Recently we had our 2 year anniversary and this was after being back for a few weeks where I had stopped chasing her(somewhat, I was still unconsciously chasing her without knowing it) however I felt our anniversary was a opportunity to try again in a new way I had already had some gifts planned ahead of time before vacation so I figured I might as well give her the gifts the love letter I had written before vacation and then I also wrote a new proposal in french. This all went very emotionally she told me that she still loves me and cares for me deeply but she needs to be alone and with family, she told me that what happened on vacation broke trust that she had in me.

Since then I have completely stopped the chase. I have read DB and am reading DR now. There is so much love and an incredible connection between us that I feel that something isn't right about this whole thing. I truly believe she doesn't want to divorce. I know I don't want to and I am committed to doing everything I can to prevent it, I have even said that if I have to get a divorce to save my marriage I will- by this I mean I will go through the process but continue to DB.

Honestly not sure how to end this post so

-Fin

Anime