Normally I would look at this as just another bump in a very long road of repair and healing. I would get out my patience of steel and keep going forward as positively as possible. But for some reason, this time feels different. It is the most concerned I have been since he originally told me he was leaving almost 18 months ago.
The chances of him taking any kind of depression meds or even talking to a professional about it would be less than zero. Trying to discuss it with him, I feel, would make him angry and drive a further wedge between us.
So I guess not discussing it is the best course of action.
People that are depressed are normally in denial.
He needs to decide on his own that he wants to FIX himself, you telling him is not going to help that.
As planned far in advance of this "mood" H has been going through....we went camping for four days over the Easter weekend with a group of friends. I definitely see the signs of depression now that it has been pointed out to me. Normally a social person who likes to be in the middle of a crowd, he would disappear on his own without telling people. He would sit with a group and hardly say a word. It was very unnerving and upsetting for me to watch him be so unhappy. But....I am beginning to at least see that it isn't necessarily all my fault that he has been like this. There is an illness behind his behavior that is beyond my control. I have been blaming myself for the way he has been acting.
Well, it happened again for the second time in a year and a half. Despite what I felt were positive advances forward my H told me last night that he did not love me, was not attracted to me, and just wanted out to have a fresh start. He said that the cheerful and involved mood he had been in for the last year and a half was fake and that he was just going through the motions to see if there was any spark left...and there wasn't apparently. He says he is done and nothing will change his mind. I am feeling so completely lost.
He just sent me a text asking if I got through my day ok. I wanted to pick up the phone and yell at him "Of course not you moron!" But instead I pulled myself together, thought of my DB rules and texted him back:"Yes. Perfectly fine."....sigh
Feeling worn out and out of "fight" today. I just removed my wedding ring. Right now all it stands for is anger, frustration, and resentment that H faked his feelings for the last year and a half. When they say believe none of what they say and only half of what they do, I never realized that applied to the good stuff too.
I'm so sorry for this situation you are in. I know that if my W "went through the motions" and then another BD I would be devastated all over again. I would only hope that of she decides to "go through the motions" she will keep me in the loop along the way.
I wish I had something concrete to tell you. But know that you are not alone in your fight. If you want to save it try try try. Maybe him telling you this was something not to believe a test from him to see if you will continue to believe in the marriage or not.
All the best
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
Anime92, thank you for your thoughtful words. It is the wonderful people on this site that keep me going when I feel like all hope is lost.
I feel like a fool for not realizing it was all an act. He was trying to keep me happy (guilt about leaving me?) instead of being true to his own emotions and in the end it has blown up in both our faces.
It's my pleasure, again I wish I had more to guide you on your journey.
I am currently going through a series of days when I feel devestated one moment sick to my stomach the next bring my self back to happiness then slight depression sets in and honestly my happiest moments are when we are home together even as I watch her pack, recently I have been helping her pack and it makes me happy to be involved in her life.
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
We have shared laughs and smiles and other moments that have been wonderful for me. In the back of my mind I keep reminding myself that she will be gone so I don't get my hopes up, but ideally with working the DB strategies I might be able to keep her... I still have to maintain detachment and GAL act as if all rolled into the LRT. Every day I wake up scared that I will lose her forever. Even though I know I will never stop loving her and never stop trying!
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
