SadHub,

Lots of similarities with you.
3 kids. Wife had a thyroidectomy due to grave's disease last March. By July she was starting an emotional affair with a soon to be divorced guy she had a crush on in high school/college. Complete re-write of our 15 year marriage. My porn addiction did a lot of damage, too. I'm clean now, and admit my part, but my wife had lots of other issues, just like yours. My wife was passive-aggressive, and sarcastic, learned behaviors from her mother who was emotionally abused by an alcoholic father. My W never dealt with a rape in college, either, so for her, emotions are bad - don't admit them, don't feel, don't cry. If she does cry, she tries to stop as fast as possible, as it's a sign of weakness, and she can't be seen as weak. No hugging/kissing/sex for years, as that's 'girly stuff' and meant she had to feel feelings and express them - easier to just shut them off. Love to her was all about me doing what she wanted, when she wanted, with no reciprocation.

My wife's EA hasn't turned to a PA, except for a make-out session 6 months ago. This OM will probably cut her off in 6 months to a year, as he's 3 hours away, and can't leave the city he's in. I'm betting your case, as well as mine, is a MLC.

I did fight the D she started in January. In the last week, I've begun to accelerate the D, as she won't stop the EA, as to her it's not one, and he's just a friend...

I swing from days of feeling great to feeling very lonely.

Work on getting exercise every day, and spend time with the kids. My D14 has a very strained relationship with the W, as she has seen her mom change in the last year.

MLC's can last for years. Prepare yourself that you probably will be divorced, and be the best father you can be. Your kids NEED you. You can do this.


M46, EXWW46
M15 T17
D20, S19, D13
M - Addiction since 1998
W EA/PA #1 2013/2014
W EA #2 June 2015...
BD 1 Big D talk 9/15
BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15
Served D 1/22/16
Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)