I wish I were as strong as you think I sound. A lot of it is faking it and most days I dont fake it very well when I am alone or when I am on the board.
These few weeks, I have somehow been lured to get into the front-row seats of the roller coaster again. Xh is definitely still temperature checking and throwing crumbs, with his recent invitation to spend kid's birthday together and his subsequent daily request to have kid almost every night.
Like a very bad dber, I allowed him to raise our hopes again and forgot all about my stfu smoothies.
I am now paying a heavy price for this. Because TP is definitely still in the picture and xh may or may not have told his C that he has found happiness with TP. Xh and I go for counselling in the same office.
He also seems to have told his C that I am in a relationship because somehow my C has the impression that I am seeing someone when I haven't mentioned anything to her.
I wonder if xh is going for counselling voluntarily or if it is still mandated by the court. Whatever it is, TP will be the one who reaps the benefits, not me.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
We'll be singing When we're winning We'll be singing
I get knocked down But I get up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down But I get up again You're never gonna keep me down
Pissing the night away Pissing the night away He drinks a whiskey drink He drinks a vodka drink He drinks a lager drink He drinks a cider drink He sings the songs that remind him Of the good times He sings the songs that remind him Of the better times
Oh, Danny Boy Danny Boy
I get knocked down But I get up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down But I get up again You're never gonna keep me down
Pissing the night away Pissing the night away He drinks a whiskey drink He drinks a vodka drink He drinks a lager drink He drinks a cider drink He sings the songs that remind him Of the good times He sings the songs that remind him Of the better times
Don't cry for me Next door neighbor
I get knocked down But I get up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down But I get up again You're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down (We'll be singing) But I get up again You're never going to keep me down (When we're winning) I get knocked down (We'll be singing) But I get up again You're never going to keep me down (Ooh, ooh, ooh)
I have always loved this song and it just seems so relevant in my life now. Not the pissing the night away part tho.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
180 for tonight: Had a glass of wine and am now in the tub.
Must master sipping wine while in the tub but at the moment, such a manoeuvre just seems too complicated for me.
I thought I looked great in this bright red dress and so did the rest of the singles at the rooftop bar. Was feeling lousy but managed to pick myself up to go to the event.
Managed to have decent conversation with some guys. Thought a few seemed interested.
And then doubting Grl came out into play.
'They don't look my type.' 'They haven't asked for my number yet.' 'Maybe they aren't that into me. I should just cut the evening short and go home.'
And I did while the few guys looked on.
So unclassy, Grl.
Note to self: Dbing is for all of life.
Must fake it till I feel it. Even if I don't feel it, I must keep faking it.
Don't be a slave to my emotions. The past year has been a very painful lesson on how not to jump into fight or flight mode.
I can take things into my hands. If I want to, I can get their numbers.
Stop putting on prickly armour if I want to get on with my life!
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Grl, what are you doing with yourself outside the bar scene? Sorry I haven't been keeping up with your thread in Newcomers, you may have clues over there. In the past couple of months, I've been to New Orleans with a bunch of girls, visited friends in Fort Worth, been to an art festival, been to a hockey game, been to all my daughters basketball games, taken kids and friends to the local fair, taken same group to the beach, been to a spirits and sweets event at the South Beach Food and Wine Festival, worked at my daughters school carnival, and been to dozen lunches, happy hours and/or dinners with friends, in addition to dating My Nica. Not bragging, sweetie, but it keeps me busy and not worring about Mr P or the guys at the bar. What's on your list?
Hi Sunny, I have been going to singles activities, one of which happened to be at the rooftop bar.
Going to a bar is a 180 for me. My clubbing and pubbing years were really short, and I am quite the teetoller. I kind of feel like I am having a sort of MLC by trying things that I didn't really try when I was younger.
Work, kid and house hunting keeps me busy. Off to househunting again now.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Dates with gfs are kinda hard because most are married with young kids and any time I spend with them is time they are spending away from their families.
Xh keeps baiting me with the same worm and I keep biting. I really should have known better.
He keeps asking me for some of his stuff and I keep telling him that I am still looking for them. Every time I receive this bait, my heart starts going into overdrive because that was exactly what he had asked for, right after kid and I escaped the house.
He had not asked about us, but he had asked for his stuff back.
And he's made this same request a few times. Every time he asks for them, I start to feel quite sick because 1) I fear his anger, 2) I assume that he's going to marry the TP and wants his stuff back before he breaks the news. I am thinking that he's worried that he'll never get his stuff back.
Today, I have just about had it.I had to pass kid's stuff to xh and I went to look for xh and kid while they were at lunch and explained to him that I really couldn't find his stuff yet but I promised that once I did, I would pass it to him.
My stfu potion ran out and I told him not to worry because if I had wanted to destroy his stuff, I would have already done so.
I asked him if he needed me to move my boxes out of his place. I told him I could move them into storage first.
And this is the strangest thing ever. Xh panicked and said that he was just asking for his things back and that I didn't have to move them.
Xh was rather nice (as in not spewing and as civil as a normal person could be) but I was the rather annoyed one.
He did ask me to take a seat. I looked mortfied, don't ask me why but my face just decided on that expression at that very moment. I declined the offer cuz I remembered how having dinner with the xh gave kid false hopes. On hindsight, I could have joined them for lunch but that would screw kid's mind.
I left. And it was only after I left that I realised in horror that we had had the entire dialogue while I was standing and had just treated the restaurant to our dirty laundry? Somewhere out there is a piece of my missing brain.
Met xh again at a bookstore. I had gone back to the bookstore as I had left something behind on the counter. Xh did a quick detour to avoid me and I pretended not to see him as well.
Life will be better after I move.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
While househunting, I had a few epiphanies. I had a good chat with my agent who's the h of my friend. I don't know him well but we managed to keep the conversation flowing.
And here is where I start to wonder what is wrong between xh and me that we could never converse like that? Judging from the thousands of texts he's sent the TP, he has no problem communicating. Why not with me then?
And I realise that somehow, and this is where I have to concede my fault, I just am not as charming as I could be when I am with xh as I am with other people. What is wrong with me or was it just the dynamics of the R?
I have basically flirted and goofed around with everyone except xh. But xh had made it really hard for any form of communication with his grunts and monosyllabic answers. He would always say that that is how he is.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
