I believe that once I start the process of living in separate houses then there is no turning back and I fear what if it destroys the kids or if I cannot cope and I still cannot see the possibly benefits I cycle arround and arround and I get no where
Look carefully at what you've stated above. You are scared to death of "what ifs". You ask what if it destroys the kids. I am asking you what is it doing to them while they are living in this present situation? Look at your daughter and know that that will also be your boys, shortly, if something doesn't change. At least, if you had your own place, you would be able to provide a better atmosphere than they are getting now.
And then you ask the question that truly states, I believe, your biggest fear. "What if I cannot cope"? I ask you, are you coping now? I don't think so.
Then you add, "What if I cannot see the possible benefits and I cycle around and around, and I get nowhere"? Seriously Ghost, that is all you have been doing since you have arrived on the board. You spin & spin and you have gotten nowhere in the MR.
In other words, you have already been living in the things you fear. There is another fear you have that you didn't mention this time. It's your fear of being alone. You may be under the roof with others, but emotionally, you have been very lonely and sad.
You see how this situation has you paralyzed, and you have lost self-respect b/c you can't find the courage to tell her you need to separate. It really concerns me what this is doing to you. You have become so co-dependent that you have lost yourself. I believe any man who can do what you've done with his weight loss and workout program, has courage to do other things in his life. You have to believe in yourself, Ghost. The strength is within you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
