I am content, that is a blessing.......

[twinmom]

So please tell us who/what the message was..... i know I would have looked

[CaliGuy]

M
One thing that's been a common theme for me with this was Ws total exhaustion, understand they don't like being alone and in my Ws case she will doze off around 8:30, wake at 12-2 and be up for hours as thoughts flood her ... I can always tell by just looking at her when this has happened more times than not it's a nightly thing, S confirms it though I'm far from asking about it anymore. When we got back together she slept a lot, mentioned how she slept so much better with me being there... Bla bla.
He is probably exhausted as job said wearing the masks, and though you aren't seeing it he is probably dealing with the demons in the dark and not sleeping well from the sounds of it.... Which just adds to the whole mess right? Remember when all this started for us and it's all we could do to sleep through the night... It doesn't end for them.

[job]

Cali is right. They are scared little people at night and that's when the demons come out to play. That's when they have quiet time and their minds are on over drive and they can't shut them off.

[mleigh4]

I get it, like I was for almost a year after BD. I could fall asleep, but could not stay asleep. My Dr. Prescribed an AD, something to help until I was back to sleeping on my own. Lack of sleep made me a jumbled mess....

I guess I could suggest to H to try that......I knew he was tired, but not to where he could be out cold, in the middle of something, and not hear someone calling him. I plan on casually asking S how often this happens...

Hi twinmom. I actually didn't even read the message, I was too distracted trying to wake H up! The way he was sitting straight up, head to the side, got me nervous. It was his work IPad, he mentioned he was in the middle of answering a work email, and I remember seeing some company logo on it....I guess I will never know!

Hawho, BTW, I love how your boys won't let you off the hook with hunting eggs. I too have a feeling I will be doing this for a long time!

[twinmom]

Mleigh4, you are better than I..... I could never stop my curiosity! I'm glad he was ok. I don't comment much but I do read your thread, you are a GREAT mom.

[mleigh4]

Twin, thank you so much for the kind words, very appreciated. I guess I am at a point where I just want H to feel better. It's no longer about saving our marriage. I love him, he is the father of our son, and I really want him to get his Sh1t together for S sake. I am pretty much at a point of done, so finding something out would just give me a reason to follow through....

I picked up S after school today. I asked him, was daddy ok last night? He asked, what do you mean? I joked, well, did he fall asleep while cooking? H laughed. I asked, did he call asleep in the middle of saying a sentence? S laughed and said NO! I laughed too and said, poor daddy, he is not getting enough sleep. I asked, does he fall asleep like that often? S said yes. I asked, are you able to wake him up? S said yes. He added, he really falls asleep fast when he snuggles with me! I said, oh yes, I can understand that, you help me fall asleep too!

My girlfriend who I went to dinner with last night is the one who works at his company now. She mentioned she doesn't see him often, but anytime she does, he is just sitting in his office alone. She said he doesn't socialize much. The company party is this weekend, her and her husband are going. H has not mentioned it and has S that night...

So, it keeps getting better. A guy, who works with H and friend, just bought a house, directly across the street from friend! I recognize his name as one of H BD buddies. H mentioned that his buddy is a little freaked out to be living across the street from someone he works with. Friends daughter overheard him saying exactly that from his house. Friend also heard something weird is going on with him relationship wise, possibly divorce, but she wasn't sure.

What a small world.

[mleigh4]

Hello and Happy Saturday! I have been reading your posts each day, I just never seem to have time to post back lately. One theme here that keeps pulling at me is your determination, optimism and unconditional love for your spouses. I truly find you all amazing people and you continue to inspire me.

I, myself, continue to have a true struggle going on inside. It's getting to a point where it distracts me and pulls me down a bit. I look around my home, and after a year,there is no sign of H. No pictures, no personal items...I have packed up and put away everything. Only S has a family pic in his room that I cringe with every time I look at it. It was on our cruise a few months before BD and I see the shark eyes.

H continues to send random TM here and there. I always respond friendly, but not so promptly anymore. Last night I did not respond at all, it was a picture of a box of straws, 500 in all, him asking if I need any.... I used to feel excitement and hope with his contact, now I think "now what?"

I imagine my life without all the questions floating over my head. I imagine sitting down, finalizing the split of assets, working out staying in our home, health benefits, and knowing where I truly stand financially. I imagine being free to completely heal from this and move on. I find it very hard to imagine being in love again with a man who has abandoned me and our home, who shut me out in an instant, who has become a teenager. I, for whatever reason, can't stand his parents, so now that relationship is broken. It's all become a huge mess that I don't see getting cleaned up.

I keep going back to BD. H was out with S, I was home looking up the phone records and came across the night of late night texts with my so called friend. I can still feel the fury in me. I remember when he came home, I asked him about it, and the look of panic in his eyes, then they went dark. Like a light switch. I remember him not wanting to talk about it, him defending her, "she was just worried about you", me yelling at him, H helping S try out taking a shower, me still yelling at H, then finally, when he tried to walk away from me, slamming him against the wall. That is when he said, that's it! He immediately ran to his phone and called his daddy to tell on me....who is a retired cop....H pointed out he could have me arrested. I remember all the fighting after, all the accusations I threw at him, his moving to the spare room, his late nights out, his hiding things and complete flip into being a different person.

Such a huge part of me wants to close the door on all this, start myself a new life, with the new me. To finally put this all behind me to rest.

For whatever reason, something keeps me from taking that final step. All I need to do is make a phone call, let H know I am making an appt for mediation. I don't know what is stopping me.....I am right there....

I am trying to read more on MLC and am currently reading about male depression. I find the more I learn, the more it helps me to understand where H may be. I think a lot of my pain comes from feeling like this is all H choice...it is what he wants, so why hold back and continue to look like a waiting fool? However, when I do my research and reading, it helps to see how messed up his head is.

I also truly believe in love and marriage, for better and for worse. I think this is what holds me back. I think, deep down inside, this value keeps pulling at me....H is not himself, something is not right, therefore, it would not be right for me to abandon him. I don't even think he would be emotionally stable enough to deal with a D right now, it may make him worse...

It can be so overwhelming at times, this internal struggle. I am taking it day by day.

On a happier note, S and I are on spring break! Nine days of sleeping in. We are having a "staycation", as promised to S. However I have a list of things to take care of and keep myself busy. S goes with H for tonight, I have no plans yet. I continue to crave some alone time, I just feel deep in thought.

H leaves Monday for his 4 day business trip. Since he will be gone during his birthday, we will give him his gift today, the battling tanks. I find it ridiculous to buy my H toys, but oh well, this is my world. Since his dad shares the same birthday, I have a nice bottle of wine for him.

I may end up making dinner plans or something to get me out, but watching movies sounds really good too! I hope you all have a good weekend, and as always, thank you for listening and continuing to love and honor your spouse. I pull strength from you guys and I hope to return that favor during my strong times.

[ciluzen]

Wow, M. Once again, such a similar situation. I think we are at the same point in our learning about MLC and male depression, understanding the fact that something is wrong, and trying to stay strong and honor our marriage despite the chaos. Just the fact that you have a young child at home and my H has already filed are the main differences. I still am amazed at how well you deal with your situation. I hope to be able to handle things as well in mine. Day by day...

[2Times2Many]

Hi M.

I don't have a lot of "wise" words to add, but wanted to say I think most of us understand the internal struggle. I know I do.

All you can do is take it day by day. I think when the time is right, we will know it and the struggle will end.

Hope you have a great weekend.

[HaWho]

Mleigh - I understand that struggle, too. This is a tough situation, especially with young kids still on the scene. We value marriage as an instituition and I think none of us are fair-weather friends. We all know something is terribly off with our spouses. None of us know which of our spouses will wake up. So, here we all are.

What you say about there being no sign of your h in your home, sadly, I feel the exact same way. And my h lives here.

Taking it day by day is good advice. We try to grow stronger each day, become better people and do the best with the messed up deck we've been dealt.

You