Hiya Dave. I am really curious about your "Vision of Our Marriage" idea. Could you post, specifically, what you and your W's vision is, and how you reached a concensus (if you did)?
The "vision" is broad...think of a company's mission statement. It's also the easiest thing to define. It's the principals that are hard. We haven't had "sign off" on one yet, but thanks for challenging me on this because I WILL NOW.
Here's my first pass....
Our vision is to "Happily share a life together where each partner feels happiness, love, respect, security and the mutual support of personal goals".
This is supported by a whole arsenal of Principals...(note...these are just off the cuff)
Our vision is supported by "Communication"
Our vision is supported by "Being physical with each other"
Our vision is supported by "Helping"
Our vision is supported by "Spending quality time together as a couple"
Our vision is supported by "Being attentive to each other's needs"
Our vision is supported by "Caring"
Then, you can break those down into specifics.....
"Being physical with each other"
- < fill it all in >
"Spending quality time together as a couple"
- 1 hour per night
- Going to bed together each night
- At least 1 phone call to each other per day when separated by travel
etc.
So you see, there's a comprehensive "constitution" that can be created that defines the relationship. The discussion and negotiation of these could lead to some interesting understanding of our partners.
This may seem like a silly idea. I'm obviously better at understanding business concepts so this comes natural. I'm going to make a worksheet for us to individually do this but I don't want to do this until I have a good understanding of what to do next.
There are books that contain all these principles. I think the KLA stuff is identical to this concept. I want to buy one of these books and give it to W when she does the survey because she can use the book to give her ideas she hasn't thought of. If she had the ideas in the first place, we wouldn't be here now.
Hope this helps. It helped me alot to try to explain it because I'm not formulating a plan to use this in a collaborative way.
Last edited by AtlantaDave; 04/07/0403:54 AM.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
I really appreciate you taking the time to put this down on "paper", Dave. I've been seriously thinking about talking to my W about this. Lots of good ideas here.
Hairdog, who wants a Bill of Rights of his marriage to include the Right to a Free Press of Groins.
Did you and wife sit down and put together a vision and put it on paper together? I have been reading that marriage should actually have a PLAN like this. Good marriages just don't happen, they are the result of great work together, at least that is what I keep telling myself.
We've been talking about these things occasionally but I've let her know that we are about to really start talking soon. One of the mistakes I've made in the past is doing things too hastily based upon the way I was feeling. I nearly gave her my ridiculous list. I'm just trying to take time to focus on effective, mature ways of approaching this that come from my heart and not a book. I completely think that making a worksheet that asks us each to individually create are own definitions and visions will give us weeks of material to talk about...hopefully we can do this instead of watching the freakin' TV every night.
My other reason for procrastinating is that I haven't answered the question "ok, we've defined it...now what?" or "She's not doing her part...now what?". Or what if my W "throws my worksheet at me and says it's stupid?". This is where I need some help from a C...to have a better sense of dealing with adversity during the process. I'm not great at handling frustration and adversity.
I'll keep you guys updated on what I come up with.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
