Ok folks, I need going to take a break from this board for a while. There's usefulness in posting "challenging thoughts" but it's more of a sickness when you post "every thought". Like women who get their periods in sync, I'm starting to see myself adopting the problems of the rest of you guys and getting confused over which ones are "real" and which ones are manifestations of spending too much time here. The 3 time (or more) a day visits here are preventing me from just simply having mindless fun for myself. I need to regain balance with my job and my exercise routine. I will certainly be back and will post the successes as they happen and I'm sure I will need some support occasionally. Maybe an angry rant or too. But for the most part, I need to get away from dwelling on how bad the situation "could" be versus looking at what my "reality" is. I will lurk and chime in occasionally but I might need to go cold-turkey for a couple days.
So what led me to this conclusion? Well, as you know, I had a long confrontation with my W today. She listened to everything I was spewing. Tonight, while cooking dinner, I started talking about this stuff some more etc. She finally stopped me and said "I got something that I bought last week that I was waiting for the right moment to share with you. But seeing as my 'aunt' is here this week, it might not be as good of a surprise". At this point my mind is racing...(hmmm maybe she bought a Liberator...ha) but she asked me if it would make me calm down a little and help me focus on the good things that are *currently* happening in the relationship. Now I'm really intrigued. She went upstairs and brought down the monster Kama Sutra can o' earthly delights .
God, I can see why my ranting is driving her crazy. She IS doing things. But I should qualify that she's doing them on the sly. She said she wanted to save this for the right moment (where we could really use it during LM). But the truth is that getting this on a night that we won't be together is BETTER because the act filled my tank up, created anticipation of a time we could be together, it's creating excitement too. LM does a lot of these too so getting it is a good replacement to the act of LM. It showed desire, initiative, sexuality and the idea of mutual sharing in an intimate environment. What more could I ask. Wow. She essentially provided 2 hours of LM without touching me by making this incredible gesture. Maybe instead of frequent LM, I need frequent "gestures" of "marital bond". This filled my tank up for at least a week.
It's cute that she so secretive. She wouldn't even say where she got this (oh man I can't imagine her going into our local sex shop...maybe she went to the new age shop)...I'll be scratching my head for a while thinking about this. Once again. I need to tell myself to just "chill the f' out".
Thanks folks.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
