Re: V is for Vanilla 29

[Zues126]

Hey V, sorry you're having an off day. It's a Monday.

I think my core driver is just 'doing it right'. Knowing I did my best. And since I believe that if someone else can do something, I can do it too...I think that if I really do what I'm capable of I should be at the top of everything I do. Not that I need to beat anyone, but if I'm not the best I feel like I didn't give it my all. So a large part of my life is just pushing towards goals.

But I've calmed down. I've spent more time deciding WHICH goals are important. I've been more balanced and present. I no longer race around as an escape from my life. I now am really appreciative for what I have. Sometimes I feel I have lost a little edge, I have gotten soft and domesticated, I'm not as raw and hungry as I used to be. But I need to be present and emotionally available for my kids, so that's ok.

Really I agree with most of your statements above.

As for white anger, I don't know it's needed. I think there are a lot of ways to skin a cat. I've watched all the top pro pool players. Some are fiery and look at their opponents with contempt. Others are Buddha like and seem as peaceful as could be. I've seen some that are explosive and aggressive at the table, others that are mild mannered and just seem to be in their own world. My point is that I no longer think there is a 'right' way to do things, if you have the vision of where you want to be and follow a road that heads that direction, you'll get there. You don't have to follow someone else's road, you can make your own road, as you've done in many areas in your life.

Talk later and take care V.