Yes I have to say this and hope I am not coming across wrong but here goes
First you wanted to take things down so your w couldn't take them. Now you want to stand in the way of her and kids communicating. I'm not sure of the dynamic you and w have but I'm guessing the communication wasn't the best before. Did you both do things out of anger or revenge when you would have arguments?
A lot of these things can be worked out through a talk. She is moving Friday. At this point you need to be the man and have conversations about your expectations of dealing with the kids and whatever you both may need to tie up.
You say you want her back but I see you trying to almost punish her. Believe me she will go through her bouts of punishment on her own.
Again my opinions. Also never get in the way of kids talking to other parent. Both will grow resentment.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Thanks. That's why I'm throwing these things out here. At this point my judgement [censored]. I'm so out of sorts since this whole ordeal I'm having a hard time making sound decisions. I agree I shouldn't keep my kids from talking to me or my wife. Thanks again.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
Your W will probably have consequences and/or losses you won't know about. At first, she will probably enjoy having her new place and feeling the freedom. Eventually, if she doesn't cake eat and you aren't available for whatever she may want at the moment, little cracks will start showing. I don't know how the finances will be set, but if she's use to having your money to spend.......then I'm sure she's going to need an adjustment there.
I encourage you to not to spend time observing her life and how well, or not so well, things are going for her. Just focus the life you are building for yourself and the kids.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Your W will probably have consequences and/or losses you won't know about.
I seen you refer to this before. Can you give me some examples. May be some from your experience. Just curious.
Maybe she losses a lot of mutual friends and it really bothers her. If you two were best friends, she losses that and realizes that over time, certainly not in the early stages. Finances are much different for her now. Maybe there is something that you always took care of that now she has to do completely on her own. Maybe her new place is smaller than your place.
The point is that there are a million things that might start bothering her. The cracks show with my WW but they took a long time to hit the surface.
I'm sure most will say as long as there's a chance, but really, how long should we be willing to wait as a LBS. As long as my spouse doesn't file for divorce, or do something bad in regards to our kids, I believe the longest I'm willing to wait would be one year. If I don't see some major changes towards reconciliation. I don't think I can put my life on hold for any longer then that. What's your time frame?
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
Weird interaction in the last 24 hrs. Wife is moving out Friday and has said maybe 5 words in the last couple days. This is wear it gets interesting. She texts me around 3:30 and says " I assume you're picking up the kids today? ". I usually text her right back within at least minutes. So I decided not to text right back. Around 4:30. She texts again " hello?" One again I don't text right back I wait another 15 minutes. 4:45 I reply " yeah, I getting them". She replies instantly. " ok, thank you". I didn't reply. She gets home from work and starts talking to me about mundane stuff for a couple minutes. Once again 5 words in the last 5 days and now this. Is she temp checking me?
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
I think you need to take a step back and stop thinking so much JB. Are you doing stuff to get your mind off this situation? GAL'ing at all? Don't worry about a time frame. I did the same thing for a while, that is not detaching and it is not a good thing to focus on. Just go live your life.
I doubt that is a temp check. Based on your reaction, I am nervous for you when she actually does it. A temp check will send you spinning at the beginning, they did for me anyway.
