Had a thought last night, everyone if know wants me to skin him down financially, unfortunately it's not in my nature
No one here is asking you to "skin" him. Unfortunately, though, many women tend to be "too nice" to their Hs and as a consequence, get really abused in the finances of the divorce.
Again, do NOT agree to anything without a DETAILED financial analysis from an attorney. You need to know what you would likely get if you divorced and it went before a judge. You need to get a FAIR settlement in order to protect your future and the kids (and frankly, to protect the estate against H pissing it away, in case he does come back.)
Is your pension worth more than his? What savings and debts do you two have? Who makes the larger income? Would he be likely to owe you alimony? How much will child support be? Is it really in your best interests to sell the house?
When the WAS offers you a deal, it is SELDOM to your advantage (except sometimes in the very beginning if they feel really guilty - but those often renege on the deal later).
Here's on sample scenario. Imagine you sell the house and agree that you each keep your own savings and pensions. He squanders his half of the house proceeds. Then you end up in a divorce and discover that there are marital debts you didn't know about. He's broke but you still have your share of the house money and you end up having to spend it all on the debts.
Or, imagine you agree to split half the house in exchange for him leaving your pension alone, but you later discover that HIS pension was worth a lot more than yours, and you should have received a larger share of the house money as compensation for that inequality.
These are just a couple of the many ways in which you might be getting taken advantage of. Don't make the mistake of confusing the financial aspects of a divorce (to protect you from his financial mistakes) with the emotional aspects of the relationship (people can and do remarry after a divorce).
Bear in mind, too, that at least here in the States, it is often an option to stay in the house, with H contributing to the mortgage above and beyond the amount that you might have to spend in rent, with an agreement to sell the house and split the proceeds once the children are grown. (Granted, this type of agreement is more common when the kids are a bit older than yours.)
Just assume, for the moment, that anything he is proposing benefits him more than you, and do not5 agree to it until your lawyer and accountant have evaluated it.
