Doing better....Oh wait

[otw]

ok, so it has been about a month since a real update....so this will prob be long!

I have been doing fairly well for myself. Had some dance lessons, been hitting the gym pretty hard, got out on the golf course a few times, wow pretty rusty! I have started training a little for rugby again as I have been asked to play in a game in the beginning of may. Granted it is all of us that used to play and now just do casual stuff, but i have a problem not going all out so I need to get in shape.

Kids are awesome, they are definitely testing there boundaries from time to time, but we have so much fun together.

They still want to stay with me all of the time, but are more accepting when they are not there.

Work has been ok and I am really looking to buckle down into some new ventures and focus on that.

Went to Vegas for a convention in the beginning of the month and it was a good time. Learned some new things, made some contacts and actually took it easy out there! I did get up at 5 am everyday to call the kids before school back on the east coast, then got stranded for an extra 8 hours on the way home!

So now for the meaty stuff!
I had a coaching session before I left and i spoke about how i felt the dynamic was a little different between me and W lately. We spoke about the possibility of me asking her to do something alone, just the two of us. I guess a date of sorts. We had been spending at least a day or two a week with the kids doing stuff and our interactions have been good.
Coach said it may be worth a shot, but we talked how i would be if the invitation was denied. So in the end it left me still with a bunch to think about.
Meanwhile during this time one of W best friends starting having issues with her fiance and thought they were done. The friend actually reached out to me because she used to work for me and somehow my name came up in there arguments. Not in a bad way, but she reached out and we talked and then met a few days later to discuss everything and try to figure some things out on how to help them.

that was really weird. I also looked at it as a way to show people the growth and changes i have made on myself and a way to look at things different after reading the DR. They are working on things.

So after i got back from the trip i was nervous about asking W anything. I decided to ask her something last minute for something the following day and i went in with no expectations as it was last minute and I made sure it was nothing intimate, but something I know she has wanted to do. Turns out she did have plans as a friend was in town, we tried to see if there would be time but there was not. She did not say no, but just didnt work out.

Since then i have not asked for anything else. I guess still kind of nervous.

Again, I spoke to one of her other best friends last week out of the blue. Let me start by saying some of things that you will be reading here are almost 100% against the advice many will give you here, but after speaking with my coach and having the way our dynamic is right now we decided to see what happens. I know the real advice that comes with DB is see what works and doesnt and then notate and keep moving. with the actual BD approaching 1 year we decided to test.

So i started conversation with friend first about how this needs to stay with us and if she isnt comfortable or want to then we shouldnt talk. She quickly accepted as we have had many talks before on her approaching them. She has stated before she believes we will work things out. So i started asking her about that. She said she doesnt know why but really hopes it happens. So i told her I ma not going to ask or pry about W but wanted her opinion on me asking W to do something with me.

We spoke quite a bit about different things and she brought up how she heard I asked w to do something before and the timing didnt work. She said w was surprised. Not in a bad way but surprised. She also gave me info about W talking about how during the time I went NC she would say how we dont talk or anything. She then also stated that she mentions when we are talking and interacting a lot more. She also mentioned that she was really surprised with my responses to a few things that she has done lately and did not expect me to respond how i did. these were good by the way.

So the end of the conversation was that she said I would not tell you no in asking her. She said i would definitely keep up the social interactions and be open with each other.

So with this info and a few coaching sessions I will sort out how to keep moving forward but I am trying to balance how to do this and not over pursue.

We did have Easter dinner at my mothers house last night and we all had a great time. W told me it was a good night. We have plans to take kids to amusement park tomorrow as it is spring break. I will take things slowly even though i am impatient.

Dont get me wrong with all of this, i am trying to keep expectations in check and just let things play out trying to figure how much effort i give. There are still moments when the reality comes crashing back, like her talking to me about needing to buy a lawn mower for her place and just other general things about us not living together anymore.

Now I know this post may be long and a lot about W, but i limit my updates until there is something worthwhile.

I also know i post on some threads giving my opinions and some may say well you are telling me different things to do. You are right. But I am not telling anything that i havent actually been through or done. I do think the advice given here is very good and needed, but there does come a point of trying something new and seeing what happens.

I am also at a point where i feel I am observing what happens here and if i get set back hard then i will prob grow to my next phase of all of this.

Dont know if that makes sense but to me it does.

Anyway if anyone is reading and has comments or questions fire away!