Ups and downs (II)

[Zues126]

It IS better to repair...but it does take two to do so.

You don't have two right now. You might not ever.

It's clear you need to detach. I know talk of R reeled you back in a few months ago. Makes sense. What is currently standing in the way of your detachment?

You say you need 'closure' to detach. Many of us on here have detached in ambiguous limbo situations. I'd encourage you to challenge the part of you that simply says 'that's just the way I am'. That outlook gets in the way of growth, and in this case forces you to either continue to hurt yourself and thereby sabotage any chances of R by reflecting that hurt to H in cold behavior, or it forces you to destroy your marriage as absolutely as if you were the one that walked. So when H says that he had no choice but to leave, you'd be making him completely accurate.

If you can detach you can enjoy your life today, have the best possible chance of R and having a better M with the man you loved and committed yourself to, and if not can move forward knowing you did your best, feeling good about life, and with a skill set that makes you ready for whatever lies ahead (vs. going through this again because you can't be ok unless you get what you want when you want it, which is an anchor in M).

I think this is worth doing some hard work to achieve. Don't you think?