Where I am...

[Georgia Bulldogs]

Your frustrated and pulling your hair out after a month with your children being their sole parent.

Get used to it. You'll be their sole parent for a long time.

Your ex-wife doesn't care and will just THINK (she won't say it because actually communicating is beyond her): "Well....it is no longer his place to attempt to control what I think or say either".

The message demonstrating your frustration with her inability to co-parent will be completely lost on her. It's a wasted effort. She'll just use it to fuel rationalizations and justifications of her own like

- He's so controlling
- told you he was a jerk
- he begrudges carpooling his own children around town after I did it by myself for years
- I worry about the him not carrying forward all the special holiday traditions and memories I tried, by myself, to give my children

If you don't want to take on the burden the next friday exchange...don't take it on. Just communicate that she needs to provide the transportation or whatever it is or forfeit her "visitation" time (always refer to her time with the kids as her "visitation" time versus your time with them is them being "home").

Maybe someday she'll approach you about wanting to really co-parent....until then you are wasting your time hoping for cooperation from a wayward. Read up on parallel parenting guidelines....it's a much healthier system of parenting in high conflict divorce situations like yours. Even just a couple of years of parallel parenting with help you detach from this emotionally traumatic situation.

Also---glad you didn't go the hospital. Putting yourself in hurtful situations like that "for the kids" is/was absolutely unnecessary and simply self flagellation. It's bad for you and every time your kids see you around your ex-wife they are going to become hopeful (or worse - try to manipulate reconciliation).

Take care of yourself and "do better" yourself. Your ex-wife isn't the mother she used to be.

[mahhhty]

Thanks GB. That was a really helpful post.

You are right. I think I needed that release after two weeks, to help get my head back on straight. She isn't the mother or person she used to be. I'm going to try your approach in two weeks for the next Friday exchange.

Thank you.

[CWOL]

My WW is the same, she wants me to do exactly what she wants for S11, gets the EXACT brand of milk, etc. Once she moves out she will have 0 control on my parenting days!

[mahhhty]

Happy Easter Everyone.

I hope in your time of need you find the resolution to have compassion, empathy, strength and grace.

If you are willing to look at another person's behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all. - Yogi Bhajan

[mahhhty]

Sandi gave this definition for a WW earlier today...

Wayward definition: turned or turning away from what is right or proper; willful; disobedient; ungovernable; following one's own capricious, wanton, or depraved inclinations; following no clear principle or law; difficult to control or predict because of unusual or perverse behavior. synonyms: willful, headstrong, stubborn, obstinate, obdurate, perverse, contrary, disobedient, insubordinate, undisciplined; rebellious, defiant, uncooperative, recalcitrant, unruly, wild, unmanageable, erratic; difficult, impossible.

[Gmum]

Mahhthty

How are you? Did everything go well with the surgery?

Thinking about you. Hope you are well.

[mahhhty]

G - Thanks for checkin in! I haven't been here in a long time and certainly a lot has happened.

Her surgery went well (as far as I know). I heard there were complications but I never actually got all the information. To my knowledge she has recovered and is doing well. Her father got his kidney last week as well. Someone in California was a match and they shipped the kidney coast to coast.

Work.. I'm struggling to keep all parts of my work life together. My current job (that pays the bills) is at odds for my time with my startup (and the startups thanks to my startup). The startup is a major business for a small city's revitalization (and its my passion). So truly amazing that I have made it this far, this past week we had over $2K in sales our biggest grossing week so far. Its truly incredible. I love the journey and am so GRATEFUL for the support I have received; friends, citizens, and my parents. My Mom and Dad have bent over backwards to help me through this.

Women... So I met a couple of different girls up near the startup. They are keeping tabs on me through a friend. My guy friends want me to get back on the horse just for a night here and there. We were drinking one night and I let it slip that I hadn't since before she left. Then they signed me up for more online dating. These sites just prove that there are crazy people out there. However, I'm now talking to a bunch of different women on there.

X-Wife... By the end of this month, I will have had the kids 23 more days than she has this year. She has promised to go to soccer and missed, told them she would see them and then didn't. She never approached me about Kindergarten, so I signed my D up, after X got angry (I didn't respond).

She recently posted on FB about how her amazing boyfriend donated his kidney. It was very touching (please read sarcasm). The most disturbing thing for me to see it she had to make it a public global post (b/c I don't follow her on anything). Similarly, when my friends told me to check it out, they asked why she still has pictures of us together on her FB page. Its confusing but I don't even dare take a guess.

My first full time employee at the startup is divorced and has been for 8 years. Over that time, he has barely seen his children. His X-Wife is a swindler and routinely doesn't adhere to court orders. She has made it extremely hard for him. In a way, hearing his story and his desperation made me grateful for the condition of my divorce. Crazy right???

I am my kid's rock. I am their lighthouse. That will not ever change.

But... I don't belong in this forum.

[mahhhty]

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