Getting out of in house S (8)

[Melo]

Yes it is all about the memories for the kids. It will also leave a void that will be felt by WW and might help bring WW out of the fog when all that is gone.

[vise82]

Hey,

time for an update.

Im off work and with the kids for the holidays, W has to work for two of the days. W had put in the S agreement that we would try to have holidays with the kids together. Well Easter she took them to her cousins for a quick dinner. That what she tells me a quick dinner. 6 hours later they come home. Before she leaves she whispers in my hear so the kids cant hear, don't forget we are putting out the eggs tonight. She came home so late and was so tired that she put a few out and left the rest to me.

Yesterday before she left I wanted to take the kids to a local easter egg hunt. Kids were giving us a hard time and W wanted to call it off. I told her no way. As it was easy for her to say that knowing she was spending time with them at her cousins house. This was my easter time with them.

We ended up going with kids and I, and had a great time.

This morning same thing I was spending time with the kids and got them both riding their bikes, was my oldest first time really riding the bike for a good long time on his own. Proud dad moment.

Then W agreed to take them to a park so they could ride more before they left to grandmas. I was not invited to inlaw for sunday dinner and my GAL is over for soccer and dog training. I was available and W knew it. Still no invite. I didn't say anything just subtle to let her know I was available.

So we put out easter eggs and in the morning S4 gives me chocolates and a scratch card from easter bunny Wife. I got her nothing. Didn't know it was a time to give anything. I thanked her later for it.

Now do I go get something for her now while she is out to a dinner that I could have went to but she did not invite me to? or do I just leave it?

[Sparkls]

IMO leave it. As many here would say, she's fired you as her husband. Don't buy her presents. The thank you was enough. Maybe it'll give her some food for thought if you don't get her something and you don't let her getting you something make you feel guilty for not reciprocating.

Sounds like you still had a good easter with the kiddos! Congrats.

[daybyday]

I agree with Sparkls. You can be in control for a change.

[vise82]

Hey sparkls,

Ok I think I will not get her anything .I don't think we ever give each other stuff for easter. Getting her anything at this point is not going to change anything. In a few weeks I will still be signing the S agreement, Our house sold firm, that wont change, We have both our new houses to move to, that wont change.
Of which she is now telling me about her place and the stuff that needs to be done to it. She did not ask out right. I guess that her dad is doing that work. I know how it goes and she might ask me to do the work. I do not do the work. I am too busy. I am not available. No, with her separating from me, she fired me from that job. can I say that to her?

She has already invited me to her new place to see it. I dotn plan on going. She is telling me to drive the kids by my place so the kids can see it. She has done that with her place.

Here is a good one. W wanted us all to watch a movie with the kids a couple of nights ago but not a guy type movie so I picked Enchanted. A Disney movie that was so fitting in so many ways. Kids loved it. Who knows what wife thought. It was great psychological warfare.

Its down to the wire and time is not on my side right now as the one year wait period before divorce can be filed is up in june.

I am planning no contact but for the kids. I am planning on not helping her move out. May mean I will have to lie about my availability. Looks like I will be getting my place first.

Also next up is splitting the house hold items. So much happening.

[vise82]

Hey.

So I found out W best friend is trying to set up W with the best friend from her wedding. W is approaching it slow. She has had opportunity to sleep with him and it didn't happen. It was at her best friends house and W was there with them until two in the morning but her friend told her she did great just staying that late and joked w should sleep over next time, wink wink.

So I have an idea now why w is getting away from the S agreement of us doing holidays together. Its this guy is in the picture, plan A. W friend is trying to get W to bring this guy to W brothers wedding. The wedding I am not invited to. W replied to friend that no her brother doesn't want this guy in his apartment all day alone. I think its a lie. I think she is living two lives right now. One with me and the kids and one when she is with her girl friend and her new husband and his best man. I am mind reading but my guess is she is waiting until the move to do anything.

Bringing him to the wedding would be exposing him to the family and the kids. It would make the end of the marriage real. And the start of this new R real.

So I asked the kids about W girl friend and if they have seen her lately. Its her birthday soon. They lit up and said that W is going to visit her after work, they heard W talking on the phone.

W told me this morning that after work she will be going shopping for pants for work and that her boss is paying for it.

I guess all this means nothing. I could confront her on the lie this morning about after work. As a boundary, I will call out anyone lying to me?

If anything it allows me to get mentally ready for such a possibility.

So S7 needed a password for a game that W know about.

I emailed her for it and asked her if she would be home for dinner. She replied back gave password and said she would be home and that the food I suggest we eat was a good idea.

I am just going to leave it alone for now. Its all mind reading. I just have to keep being the best version of me that I can

[otw]

the only advice i can give you is either make the decision to go all out and find the truth or find a way to completely ignore all hearsay.

I know many rules here say no snooping, but with you in the place you are right now about to sign the agreement, information is gold.
If you can not handle what you find or it will have no impact on your agreement then stop.

I have heard people before say that outing the new R caused things to change for the better and some for the worse.

LOL i know thanks alot for nothing. It boils down to what will really help YOU.

I know the mind reading is awful, but will it be worse finding news you dont want? That is on you.

I wouldnt bring it up to her unless you have all info you ned though

[Vapo]

You need to take your focus off of your W, stop snooping and esp. stop asking your kids about W.

It is putting you in an emotionally very unhealthy place... Please remind me, what good would it serve if you found out that your wife is sleeping with another man?

[vise82]

Hey OTW and Vapo,

Good questions. I think I need to ignore it. It has done me well to not find this stuff out in the past. It a hard one to let go as with a touch of a button and W forgetting to erase some texts it has the potential to crush me.

I think that knowledge of her sleeping with another man would be my limit. But I really don't know until I get to that point.

I feel that she is gauging her actions on mine. I have not slept with anyone else and she I guess knows that and is going as far as I am with other people. Observation from a distance. If she saw me in a relationship right now, She would do the same. I feel she is straying as far from the MR as I am.

So with all that worry she did not go out last night.

W had a great family dinner.

W talked about the move and was saying that we should share movers, we are going to live about two blocks away from each other and the move wont take long.

Also she is asking me to bring the kids to her new place so we can see it while she get a walk through with her parents on Friday.

She also said if I don't want to do that its ok.

Is this something I should do? I don't know what to say.

I feel I need to state that I wont be her friend that will not do stuff that normally I would do as her husband. And if she wants me to do that type of stuff then it is going to have to include us at least going on dates.

Its a funny time right now and not sure how I navigate between getting friend zoned or not. I was planning on no contact but she is already asking me to do stuff ( Share movers, bring kids to her place).

[Huddy]

My W dropped the bomb, and within two weeks my SIL was trying to get my W to go out with other men. You can't stop your W talking to family/friends, so, worrying about it isn't gonna help your personal needs.

I see your problem about 'friendzone' and not appearing to be a dick about things. Personally, I think you will know when a boundary is being crossed or not, but, if you don't want to do something that isn't in your interest, then don't. I used the 'not gonna be your friend line' and told her I wouldn't forgive her if she moved 230 miles away, and she stayed close. You have got to use it wisely.