NYGal: hopeful? Not so much

[Sparkls]

I know it's been a rough week babe. For both of us. But hey, we got through it right? And next week is going to be a little bit better.

I was thinking about the "are you okay with being someone's second choice" comment. And I guess, since I"m also dealing with a wayward, I don't really think I'm the second choice. I guess I don't believe the OW is actually my competition, so it's not a matter of him choosing her over me. It's him choosing what is easy over what is right.
So with that in mind, if things ended with the OW and our spouses realized they wanted to do what is right, not what's easy anymore, then yes, I can take them back.
But they have to convince us of that. Thats the hardest part of this for me, and i suspect for you too. Believing that *I'm* the prize. We want them back so badly that it's easy to forget that they're the ones who done f*cked thigns up. I want desperately for both of our spouses to decide to do what is right. To fight for a relationship. To fight for us. But it does need to be a fight. It can't be them coming back just because their plan A didn't work out. I think your W has the potential to do both. She's said things that make me think she'll put in the work. I know it was incredibly painful to see her with OW. But when you think of it as an addiction, something she has to work through herself, for me at least, its easier to see the signs that they're crawling out of rock bottom. But just like we slip, they may as well. The hardest part for us is not reaching down into the hole and helping them climb out. They have to do that themselves. Otherwise they'll never appreciate what they've gotten back.

I say of this of course as I stand there ,watching my H not even try to climb the walls, but instead make the bottom of the hole his new home. I hope he'll realize he doesn't like the darkness. I think your wife has seen that she doesn't like the darkness and is starting the climb but you have to keep yourself strong. Be the guiding light (or lighthouse). If you try to help her get to the top, she'll never be as committed as you need her to be.
The hardest part to remember when you want her back as badly as you (and me both) do is that them coming back isn't the end. It's the first step.

So what do you do? Be strong, don't put up with her bullsh*t. Light her path but be prepared for her to fail a few times. But don't reach out and make her journey easy. She knows what she has to do, and only she can do it.
And that royally [censored] for you. To watch someone you love fail to do what needs to be done. We're here for ya. I'll grab coffee with you as often as you want while I"m in town.

Happy early birthday!