alrighty... things are moving... in which direction I don't even care but they are moving... here is our recent convo:
WW: How do you want to go about everything? I printed out D papers months ago but never gave them to you because I just couldn't. I just don't even know you want to go about this or how you feel. I know it's been a while and I don't want to drag it along.
Pinn: Welp it has been a while. I mean this is not what I want but I respect your decision. I still think we could have something special but I won't stand in the way of things. I think that since this is what you want, you should be the one driving it. So if you want to get together and figure out where to go from here I am OK with that.
WW: I mean, I'm not happy about it but its hard knowing how you feel when you're telling me how great you are and telling my family you have never been better when they ask. It send me mixed signals on how you are (say what?). Don;t get me wrong, I want everything in your life to be great it's just that I don't want to delay it if you need to move on.
WW: Trust me I'm not good with it and I haven't given them to you because I haven't felt ready to but I didn't want to mess up your life because of my own feelings.
then some more stuff about getting together to talk about things....
She is temp checking. She wanted to see how you responded to her talking about the D. She feels like the LBS now. You are happy and content and she isn't.
I think it's time to get together to talk face to face. Just my opinion.
i agree, talk to her. Make your stance known that you wouldn't give up on a marriage, but you can not force her to do anything. You will also try to make the most out of life no matter what happens.
than leave everything in her court.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Pinn: Welp it has been a while. I mean this is not what I want but I respect your decision. I still think we could have something special but I won't stand in the way of things. I think that since this is what you want, you should be the one driving it. So if you want to get together and figure out where to go from here I am OK with that.
I think this was great, Pinn. And, I agree with Thornton and otw. Just don't move too fast and scare or push her too much. Take it slow. Keep us posted. I'm hopeful for you.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
i agree, talk to her. Make your stance known that you wouldn't give up on a marriage, but you can not force her to do anything. You will also try to make the most out of life no matter what happens.
than leave everything in her court.
This exactly what my goal will be when we talk. I really have zero interest in getting into a deep relationship talk. If she goes there though I will listen. She does seem confused. There will be no pressure from me.. I am good either way. I know that.
I am not sure if she has the strength though to work through things. She has said 'thing should be natural'... you shouldn't have to try. This would be a very difficult thing to come back from. She has been in several relationships over the past 16ish years. I believe she is a "free loader" or "renter" if any of you have read that book. My concern is being back here in 3-4 years with even more at stake. I would like for her to read a few books including the 5 love languages. We were completely missing each other here. I won't mention it for a while but it will be a requirement for any chances of reconciliation. Actually even if we get divorced I will still mention it to her... she needs it.
Anyway, we will see where it goes from here. No expectations from me. I am not even sure what I want anymore. Thanks again!
Wow, this is some great stuff right here. I think its great that you see a possibility for reconciliation, but at the same time are detached enough to sit back and give it time to resonate. Things seem to be more on your terms now.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
Pinn, I think you are right, she may just be a freeloader who sees her "Plan B" being taken away. Be very careful because you don't want to be in the same place a few years down the line.
I made that mistake and now I am paying for it...
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Thanks guys for the comments. There is no talk of reconciliation or anything like that. That would be a very long, hard process and I am not sure if either of us are up for it. I would love to throw out a Pulp Fiction quote here but I might get banned ;-).
Anyway, I am seeing WW for the first time in 8 months today. Details in my new thread:
