KGirl - new life, new stuff

[KGirl]

Welp, I probably did something I shouldn't have. A couple of weeks ago I turned my online dating profile back on just to see what was out there. Didn't initiate or investigate anyone, just let it sit. Got all sorts of messages of course because that seems to be how these things go, but one stood out to me, checked him out, messaged back.. which turned into a first date, after which I was sort of "meh" but figured if he asked again I would go. So that turned into a second date after which I was even less excited/more leaning towards no, but he asked me out again right away. After much internal debate I decided to give him another shot because I know people are often shy or nervous the first time or two you meet them (I am completely not shy..!)

Had a third date yesterday, really wasn't feeling it still, decided as we were leaving the restaurant this was going to be a no for me moving forward, I just wasn't excited about the potential of meeting up with him again and had no inkling of interest of anything physical with him at all. Afterwards he went in to kiss me, super awkward, it ended up being a hug and a kiss on the cheek I'm fully prepared to send him a "it was nice hanging out with you but.." text if he writes back asking to hang out again, but maybe he got the hint afterwards.

So this guy seems like a very nice guy, has his sh*t together, is a special education teacher, very polite, etc. etc. Seems to have similar values to what I do. But I just COULDN'T get interested in him in a romantic way. I wish I could have been! I tried to keep an open mind after the first date and get to know him but just something about his mannerisms/how he talked/etc. that you can't find out online, just wasn't clicking or attractive to me at all. And he was.. boring. I felt like I ended up doing most of the talking and he laughed about things I said but I had no reaction really to anything he said.

Now I feel guilty about rejecting someone that seemed to be into me. And frustrated at myself that I can't like nice guys. Surely there has to be a nice guy out there that is also somewhat interesting and that I'd have some chemistry with, right?? Or is my most recent experience clouding my judgment and making me uninterested in anyone... : / Oh well, if I miss out on this guy I don't feel like I've missed out on "the one" even if I was in a better place to be attracted to a good catch, so I'll have to trust in that feeling. Taking a break from dating until I can talk to my IC more.