Unsure of what's next

[iwad]

I guess I would ask - what does giving up look like to you? Does it look like you filing? Do you want to file? I would say it is early days in your sitch and sitches can be pretty uncertain. Your H may seem certain - but who knows for sure in the longer term.

Thank you Sotto for your and Sparkls comments. I was feeling pretty lonely on the board.

To answer your questions, I think giving up just means moving on and accepting that he is gone. I don't want to file, but I assume he will at some point.

We do have a young M, in many ways I feel like we have not really given it a real "go". We married relatively quickly after we met, eloped, and have been together for about three years now, two married. It seems most DBers have been married for much longer, so perhaps that does not bode well for me?

Sparkls, thank you for the guidance. I have stepped back, leaving him alone, only responding occasionally when he reaches out to me, and thinking about why we are here. He has been very clear regarding why he is leaving and he is right about the unhealthiness of our M. I need to show him that we can be calm together, not volatile. How can I do this when he is across the country?

The separation has been the real killer. Between him getting out of the army (Colorado), going immediately to graduate school (Boston), and then immediately to his new job (SF) - where I was to join in December - the space has been incredibly hard.

When I came out for Christmas he seemed genuine that he wanted to try and make this work - he came to me. Then in February it was one bad phone call and all progress was dashed and I am back to him leaving.

He became extremely depressed when he started this job (already suffers from PTSD and depression). It is demanding - leaves at 6am and gets home at 8pm or 9pm. He also hates living in SF and wants to leave (he has been staying at Air BnBs the whole time he has lived there because he does not want to sign a lease). I was his support system, his only support system.

I am not sure that there isn't someone else. There very well may be. I think that now he might be coming out of the depression and has met someone - giving him a high - and that is why he has decided he longer wants to be with me.

I have read a lot of posts. I have thought about responding, just feel that I don't have much to offer. From both Sotto and Sparkls replies, it seems like perhaps my sitch is too much to overcome - distance, young marriage, OW.