This is What's up

[KGirl]

I think going over and over the same things is part of our brain healing so it's OK! Something that I read online that helped me when I started to feel like I was ruminating and bordering on obsessing thinking about what happened and why it happened was that each time I thought about it, I needed to answer one of these two things:
-What does this mean about him and the relationship (draw a conclusion) or,
-What can I learn from this and apply to future experiences (take action)

And if I couldn't get myself to any of those things it was time to think about something else instead of unproductively thinking.

I totally understand this about saying you're ready for the fallout but really not thinking that outcome would happen. I was prepared to have a conversation that I knew could end in a breakup if we weren't going to be on the same page. But in my heart because of the things he said that made it seem like he was serious/this would be long term, I really didn't think we'd break up, just talk it out and then come to some sort of solution. I really didn't believe he would decide he couldn't do what I thought were simple things (fill me in on stuff and keep me in the loop about his life) and just walk away. My bluff was called, I guess. And yes, I was also the one who wanted more and if I had kept the status quo perhaps we would still be together.. but I loved him and to me that meant a different set of things happening than what was currently going on.

Standard breakup recovery advice is to journal and to set aside specific time to think about what happened and ONLY during that time ideally, so you can focus on other things the rest of the day.. sounds like you're doing what you need to!

I think about whether or not he thinks of me or misses me as much as I miss him.. it's hard to imagine he does otherwise you'd think he'd come running back (or.. send me a text at least, ha) and say he made a mistake and wants to talk about things. But from what I know about him even if he really felt that, he probably wouldn't follow through on it - he's too scared of getting "lost" in someone else and also maybe a little bit proud and stubborn.

I recently went on a few dates with someone else and I'm thinking I wasn't ready because I did wayyy too much comparison to XBF ("well at this point in time I felt X way with XBF and I don't feel this way at all"). Quite likely this guy wouldn't have been a thing anyway but it's harder to tell with this other stuff clouding things up. I'm not going to go on any more dates with him and now that I've decided that, the distraction is gone and it's back to missing XBF a bit more