Feeling he's in MLC, but in D process

[ciluzen]

Thanks, job. I'm trying. I'm pretty busy trying to sort my own life right now, so it has become a lot easier to not dwell so much on his every move (except when I post!). I like that I can go back through the posts and both see the transformation from when I first started (his and mine) and re-read advice that I might have forgotten.

I guess one of my fears that had me thinking a bit last night, rolling it over in my head, was based on something H said when he was being open a week or so ago. As I've said, his mom has Alzheimers and it is a big stressor to him, although he tries to act like its not. He spoke of a dr. friend of ours describing memory being like a book shelf. If you keep putting books on it, at some point the books at the far end will fall off. I worry sometimes that the good memories of me and our girls will start to fall off as he does more things with ladyfriend and her kids and her friends kids, and that memories of their good times will still be on the shelf.

He loves families...told me that when he was in high school he couldn't wait to have a wife and a bunch of kids. High school! Our kids are basically grown now. But they have pointed out that many times that they feel "replaced" as H started being super fun "uncle H" to the kids in our social group and "flirty almost single guy" to all the moms. As I've said, I felt more and more out of place in our group.

So, today I am going to do Easter breakfast with my girls at D25's house. I encouraged H to go (lightly) yesterday, but he mentioned going to church (lady friend's church) and later coming out to our house to work. D25 was also going to again encourage him to join us, but I don't know how that went. His priorities right now...not family. Not HIS family. He's so blind.

He also won't see the successes of his kids. He complains about how expensive D25's house was, how small, how far away. Not excited that it is a beautiful house in a great, vibrant, sought after neighborhood and THAT THEY WERE ABLE TO BUY A HOUSE! He discounts her job, but she is in a great, well paying position at an award winning design company and having offers come to her from other companies because she's good! And she loves her job! The negativity toward the child that was once his buddy is weird.

My other D he goes back and forth between saying she is smart and gives great advice and calling her a "basket case" (she is in treatment for anxiety and depression, but doing well).

Both D are confused by his actions. I've tried to explain MLC to them and depression. We've all agreed to try to be patient with him, but it is painful to watch how he treats the entire family.And how we are all somehow the one's to blame, the disappointments in his life.

Ah...well. Happy Easter everyone. I'm off to drink peach bellinis with my girls and SIL.