RD Movin on 13co

[Sotto]

Hi Lovely. I'm sorry you feel somewhat low at the moment. It is inevitable and we all go through this - but not a nice way to be feeling.

From your post it sounds as though you feel your W is 'happy' with her choice and pretty much move on. I can't really concur with this view. I think your W has what she feels she 'deserves' at this point - no cash, poor standard of housing, fragile OM with poor mental health (and were there alcohol issues too?) limited time with the kids. Truly, if your W were at peace with her choices, I don't think her hair would be falling out! And I'm sorry for her if it is - that must be horrible.

I wouldn't suggest a R talk. After all, given the above does she seem in a healthy place to be able to make good choices and be a suitable partner for you? I don't think she is there yet, however I feel she may get there.

For you, there is always the option of changing things up a little. You do permit your W significant access to you, your home and the kids - which is up to you of course. Is it possible that this may help to keep her somewhat 'stuck?' As she can still be partly Mum, retain a 'friendship' with you and also have the whole OM (in whatever form??) thing going on. IDK what the answer is there - but I would approach it from a - what do I need to look after myself perspective - for the right answer to you. Anything you do, I would also practice a compassionate approach to your W as I do believe she has become rather lost and she doesn't seem to be a bad person at all.

I know I harp on about GAL and I appreciate you must be busy - own business and home, four kids etc. However, your kids are at an age where they can look after themselves on that (one night a week?) where you choose to do something just for you. Perhaps this might be a good time to consider joining a support group and be able to share with others locally and have the social & bonding aspect too. As you know, that has been a big help to two of your favourite online ladies - Pink and me??

To me, changing things up a little may not be about interactions with your W - but may be about your own growth. I've always been a bit flaky on goals - but reading Codependent no more - she is very keen on goals and writing them down. So, what I decided to do is have a goals notebook and whenever I think of a goal, I write it on the page of that notebook. It feels better than having a list to me - more organic. Whenever I think of something I want to do to achieve that goal, I add in a bullet point on that page. I think I'm up to around 15 goals at this point. Whenever I feel a bit unfocused, I pick up the notebook - add some bullets, tick some things off and think about what I want to do next.

Just some thoughts anyway - and sorry if all a bit unfocused! A big happy Easter to you and hope you have a lovely day with the family xx