NYGal: hopeful? Not so much

[Painter]

Something in what you said reminded me of how children of divorce will often take out their frustrations on the parent they feel closest to - meaning, treating them worst, because they feel secure in the relationship and trust they won't be abandoned.

They will often work hard to please the parent they feel insecure about, at the expense of the 'safe' parent.

It sounds like your W feels very guilty about several things right now. It is an unfortunate situation she has put herself (and of course you) in.