the road goes ever on and on...

[Painter]

I was shown that it started to fall apart when middle class got wealthy enough to have houses for each generation and technology shrank the world. Gone were the days of 3 generations sharing a house, and extended family living together as a family. Gone were the small communities in which we each had a role to play, in which we all shared the same friends, neighbors, and social circles. In short, gone were the days in which you were 'stuck' with what you got.

I'm gonna disagree with this one as moving back in with my family is what really sent my husband spiraling into depression and MLC.... Then again you haven't met my parents

When it comes down to it, in all aspects of life (not just marriage) there are some personalities that are committed and loyal, and others that believe they are but when the going gets tough they are just not capable of it. We really have no other choice but to accept what was chosen for us. There are successful first, and second, and third marriages out there. Especially for those that want them and have done the work to make them successful. I really believe that had I known then what I know now, my marriage would have been successful.

Sometimes, I do feel that perhaps my husband was stronger then me to be able to leave something that was not good for him. Our marriage was not good for me either. I do not/ did not have the strength to electively choose death of my husband (that's why this hurts me so much...it's an elective death). In all honestly, I would have been willing to put any work in to avoid divorce and I would have stuck by husband through anything (except infidelity) But I have to admit, I am feeling a bit happier now and more hopeful for what future may bring (realize this feeling could be temporary)

I also think there's a couple of other factors that were present in those times Zues dreamed about - less of a financial ability to divorce (same reason several generations lived together - it wasn't for the joy of it, it was often out of poverty), and more of a social stigma attached to divorce. I don't think affairs were that much less common.

Juju, I was willing to even forgive infidelity and work through it - but H wants us to separate because he thinks he's got the wrong partner, that we're just wrong for each other, or that there's too much wrong compared to what's right. At this time, he sees mostly what's wrong.

I can see that some people are a better fit than others, but most of us are not going to find the perfect person and will have to work at it and make compromises with our partners. I'm upset with H for giving up on us and our M, although I see that I may be happier with someone else. I could be happy with H, too, if he would work with me.