Sparkling none the wiser

[Sparkls]

I don't have the ability to really change my plans. I'm being pushed forward, regardless of how 'ready' I am. But I'm trying to find some excitement for it. Occasionally its there, more often not. I'll survive. I always do. But I worry about who I'm going to be on the other side. A large part of me feels like I'm being punished for loving too much or being too comfortable with where I was.
It's been a really long bad day. And I didn't get nearly as much done as I needed to (too many break downs). And sadly, I don't have the luxury of time. I have to get this stuff done no matter how I'm feeling. But I keep falling apart.