Hi NYG, I'm worried I'll lock your thread, but I wanted to post anyway. I'm sorry for what happened - that must have been painful to learn after some positive signs. From a helicopter POV, I do feel your W is cycling about and not to be trusted at this point in time. I also agree with what V said in that some Intel is useful and my approach has always been just to store Intel and adjust my approach without sharing what I know. All sitches are different though and H and I have little in the way of contact.

From my sitch (looking back....it didn't always feel this way at the time) these painful revelations were useful in propelling me forwards. In my desperateness, I realised the need for detachment purely to preserve self - and I would redouble my efforts to try and achieve it. It also helped me to know that (if H were with OW) all would be the same for a while and I could carry on along my path as we wouldn't be together for a while (because I wouldn't consider us being together unless he had been apart from OW for a while.)

As for your approach - my advice would be to withdraw again. No need to let her know why IMHO - and if she comes back with more of the same positive talk, let her know that you know she is still seeing OW and there will be no R with you while she is (though do be guided by experts here - this is JMHO.)

Above all, turn to your friends and enjoy them. Enjoy your birthday and try and release yourself from the pain just for now. Take care xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus