I read the threads of other DB'ers who have been here before and i wonder, "once a WW, always a WW?"
I don't believe it is that simple. It depends on what the woman experiences and if the man gets complacent after they reconcile. Now I don't read all the threads of those who "return" to the boards, but the ones I have read tell how they did not require their WW to do the necessary work in order to have a successful, healthy MR. Some men were too eager to get her back under any conditions. The issues and her waywardness were usually swept under the rug and no type of family therapy was used. The other side I often see are those H's who just got lazy and stop enforcing his new changes and fell back into his old habits.
So, no it's not once a WW always a WW. It depends greatly on the woman herself, and on how the man deal with her waywardness.
You are wanting to give up and get out of the pain. So, you see filing for divorce as a quick end to what hurts. It's your decision to make, but I don't think you have the right motivation by trying to believe she can't change her waywardness. You may be right, and there may be so many deep issues in her that she won't ever be that girl she once was. I don't know that any of us are, but that's not to say we can't be good again. I do believe most people with this type of baggage needs professional guidance, and the couple would definitely need it to make things work again. But, you can't force her. She has to want the help for herself.
My advice is to not take a wayward back until there is sufficient signs that she has made vast changes/improvements, and is willing to do whatever it takes to make the M successful. If her attitude and heart has not changed, do not take her back, hoping things will be different.
The work never stops. You cannot get lazy and fall back into old habits and think things will have a different ending the second time around.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
