Just had a think this morning about our WAS, mine is asking for half of Easter holidays with the kids. He said he couldn't take some time off this time but we have two bank holidays days and guess what he hasn't even asked to have the kids on those two days! They really are in another world.
What I'm going to say might not pleased everyone but one of my friends has cheated on her husband, now she is very happy with her new husband. So I thought last night that we all deserve to be happy LBS and WAS and if for my STBXH it is with OW, I have to accept it. I have now reached the point where I'm struggling with how things have been done. The cheating, me feeling guilty for kicking him out ( deep down I know that it was what he wanted as he couldn't cope with leaving his second family, so he let me do his dirty work!) and me questioning if I have been that bad that despite having an affair for 2 years in secret, he never left.
Well, no need to dwell on what if, if I could have done this that. Can't change my past, just the course of my future by taking steps now to create it how I want it!
Kids' father just texted me to let me know that he'd be picking the kids 2 hours earlier than scheduled time ( bear in mind that it's bank holiday here). So I replied that usually it's around the normal time but I understood that he wanted them earlier. Also I have added that I'd like him to appreciate that as he hadn't contacted me about the earlier time i could have had planned something else. I added that in the future I might not be able to accommodate him as easily!
I'm so proud of myself for doing that! I'm struggling with the friend/ moving on line. At time I feel I'm cold but I'm only mirroring what I'm getting from him. He used to say that I was cold to him ( I was because I got pushed away and him still with this AP has knocked down my confidence a lot!), but I'm struggling to be nice and friendly with him not after what he has done!
I don't understand it. I have been able to carry on my life for the last year quite well, work is going very well, I do go out and do things, so why am I so sad?
This is really sad business Rouky. I don't know how anything but time will heal us. Every time I think I have reached some level of peace I find myself falling back into sorrow and grief. A lot of people in my ex's life express deep sorrow and regret about what she has put me through so it isn't just me that is sad. It is a mournful situation to be in. I hope you can hold on to the things that are good in you life Rouky and find that not every minute is bad. Hopefully these tough moments become farther and farther apart. In the meantime know that there are a ton of people who love you and cry with you. God Bless you Rouky
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Thanks Gmum, how are you doing anyway? Having another down day. As I stood my ground yesterday, STBXH has decided to treat me the same way as his previous partner. He no longer acknowledge my presence in the house, today he stayed outside instead of usually coming in.
Now my mind is why this should bother me as it's a year now and I can see by his actions that we won't reconcile. Why would I want someone who is happy to treat me in a cold manner despite being together for 11 years, why do I feel worthless and unloved?
Just reporting. STBXH has brought kids some nice chocolate for Easter! I didn't invite him for the day tomorrow, maybe I should? As he is seeing kids tomorrow anyway, I didn't bother inviting him for kids' birthday, so he said that he'd come and cut the grass when he drops her presents!
Am I doing DB wrong? Should I invite him for Easter tomorrow? I particularly don't want it as he has chosen OW and not his family. Also I thought that if he really wanted to see his kids' egg hunting he could ask if he could pop round but he hasn't.
Oh well I just topped his ex from her spot of the number 1 most hated person. A first today, when he dropped the kids off he didn't even bother to come in, I had to go by the door to ask about something for the kids!
I guess now I'm going to be treated the same as his ex and how evil I am to his OW, can't believe I'm treated this way after 12 years! I guess better to find out now that after 25 or more years together :-)!
I wish that I could be of some help Rouky. You are having a rough couple of days but next week things will improve for you. The holidays always bring out extra emotion and pain and sadly we have no choice but to go through it. Are you still in counseling? Does she know about the ups and downs you go through? When I was having the hardest time I would go to see my therapist more frequently. In the end I was only seeing her once a month.
I wish that you were here to try my Maple syrup. I could also use some help in the yard. I have a big muddy mess from the septic system that I had put in a year ago. I am going to grade it off and plant grass on it. A lot of shoveling to do though so if you have a couple of free days...............
I get so much strength from hearing the songs of the birds and it helps me to realize that all of this is part of nature and that life will go on after the pain of all of this softens. My intention is to be outside every possible moment for a couple of months and try to get my place looking beautiful. When do you move into the new house? Getting busy with that will take your mind off of some things.
Here's to you having a better week Rouky and please try to get out and socialize a little. Take a long walk when you can and get plenty of exercise. I have found the group that I do yoga with to be quite the support system. It is always so positive there and all of us face challenges in one way or another. Praying for you always.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Happy Easter Rouky! I hope you are having a great day and the Easter Bunny brings you lots of candy. It is a beautiful day here and the grass is green and daffodils are in bloom. The song birds are singing their beautiful song and it brings me hope for a better future. I hope a little bird brings you a song of hope as well!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
