No End in Sight

[TimR]

Ok
Yeah... Here comes some 2x4s because I care and I believe you need one.

So... You have another person now who is ears and willing to be your shoulder, totally get it and yeah I've been there. Here is the deal... What have you fixed, how have you grown? According to your timeline you are leaving a M that was what a whole 3 years and came here to DB it and now you've inserted a 3rd party... So are you done? Are you really trying to save the M at this point... Were you ever really all in? I ask this not trying to be an a$$ bit to really get you to ask yourself where you are and what you really want... Makes no difference to me TBH but from this point forward what you want and where's you are headed is important to how you "DB" from here .... You can't save a M if you are gonna insert a 3rd party just as a WAS can't commit to a M with a OP

Questions you must answer before moving forward .... All in or all out the choice is all yours

I thank you Caliguy, V, and 1313. Let me first say that I am not inserting a 3rd or 4th person into my sitch. Jogging buddy is also not my shoulder to cry on. Actually the opposite we talk very rarely about the WW. She is actually the first person that doesn't treat me with pity over my sitch and I am thankful she does not bring it up. Dating... Caliguy you are correct what have I learned or better what changes have I made? So no I am not ready for that or I am going to repeat my sitch with someone new. I am working through counselling to continue to make the changes.

What I have learned is this, WW was correct I do not show affection, I do not provide opportunity for other's opinions, and I was neglectful. I have changed those things about myself, not fully, not yet. I am working on that. What else I learned is that I am a man capable of great loyalty and love, someone who deserves the same.

Again I stress, I am not dating this person. I do not know if I will or will not in the future. Three months I have been on this board and three years I been in a break up we called a marriage.

As far as whether I am all in or all out, I don't know what I am? I am floating along allowing the current to take me where it will. There was a post about setting a course and either WW picks up that course or sets her own. I do not have a course, I am a vessel dead at sea and the waves will take me where they will. What I am not is engaged in a tug of war that I cannot win. I am not going to allow myself to be continually controlled emotionally by WW. Her texts sending me into fits of panic and the slightest word bringing the world crashing down on me. If she decides to come back, I will decide at that time whether I am capable of loving her again. I am not going to burn bridges, but instead accept that what I wanted may never be. I am going to pray that she finds peace and hopefully some help... but I cannot save her as much as I wish I could have.

If I date jogging buddy or someone else that remains to be seen as well. But jogging buddy is not the catalyst of the changes in me either. I have just been realizing I need to move away from the pain, the person I married is as likely a fraud as I thought the WW was. This WW may be her true nature and our M may have been the momentary mask she wore. Regardless one way or the other, she has to find who she is without my help.

Finally, I will always be there for the kids. They have to be my focus now. Not WW not jogging buddy, not girl I meet somewhere else, the boys, they are my purpose. That may or may not be the purpose of DBing, that may or may not be the true meaning of dropping the rope but it is my interpretation. No longer allowing the decisions WW makes to effect me and my search for happiness.