Still hoping for progress II

[Sparkls]

Of course. I'm not a vet and I'm probably screwing up the entire DB process but I think you done good.

[Painter]

Lots of food for thought in this thread!

Sparkls, you're so young but so insightful!

Daybyday, I am very confused for the same reason you are. I'm supposed to move out on the 9th (and I feel very bitter that H gets to keep the home I created, even if it needs maintenance and is old) and H is being soooo nice. Loving, affectionate and touchy. Hardly any anger. I think he's cake- eating to a degree, but it makes it almost impossible when he now behaves the way I've been dreaming about for years!

He says it's because the pressure is off - he has loving feelings for me and is just showing them. But he still wants 'space to see how he feels'. I suspect he wants space to move somebody else in...

[daybyday]

Yeah Painter. I think it is cake eating too. It feels good when it's happening but when you sink back in to reality it does us no good emotionally to let those things go on. I find I'm worse off than when I just go limited contact. It is sad, but my W has rarely gone a day without a text or some kind of contact. Heck, she texted again last night about a friend of son who was spending night with her and him. Said how annoying he was. I didnt respond.

I cant be her emotional safety blanket anymore. Her choosing. It saddens me and I hate it to know end but I have to think about me and moving on. I will be here if she decides to work on M but she doesnt need to know that.

It is such a shame that so many take M so lightly and just bail when they get bored or see what they think is greener grass.

I take responsibility for my part in this whole sitch but I am willing to work until the ends of the earth to fix it. My W is not at this time. So....I will give her her space. But you cant have space, and still have me as H.

[daybyday]

Not much new. Have been very unavailable to W last few days. A couple received texts about silly stuff I didnt even respond back. I dont think I will treat them all this way. It didnt feel right. Maybe I'll wait and respond a bit later than just blow it off all together.

She came over again to get a few things and I just continued with my business. I could tell it bothered her when she was leaving and i stayed sitting in my chair eating and just said bye.

She was kinda cold at kid swap at her apt. today. I stayed outside and waited for S13. She asked me to come in and I said "I'm good". Said bye and left.

I had to call her about some bill payments etc. I was real upbeat and cheery. She was too.

I know she had to wonder what was up with me the last couple days. No mindreading but it's good for me to have her thinking.

No R talk in a couple weeks and thats were I will leave it. Trying hard to GAL and am doing okay. Still have those unexplainable days where you feel the gravity of your sitch. Especially when out doing something that the family used to do together. Seeing other couples etc.

Still miss her like crazy, but...

[CWOL]

DBD, I'm about to embark on the journey you're on now, a few weeks later than you. What would you do differently now that you've been through the physical S a few weeks?
The problem for me is my WW is going to be richly rewarded by taking almost half my paycheck twice a month. She won't have any financial pressures at all.

[daybyday]

Hmmm. Well, i am kinda in the same boat right at the moment. Her paycheck is barely enough to cover her rent. So groceries and other stuff is coming from joint acct. She is very frugal and always has been but she is really not having to go it alone. I am going to be working to get her off joint acct. But that just creates problems with getting money to support S13 when he is there. Ugh. Probably stay status quo for the time being.

As far as what I would do differently? I would have to say nothing so far. Lord knows I made many mistakes before but now just trying things and see what works.

My sitch seems different from almost all the others here in that my WAW still seems concerned with me being ok without her. Possibly easing me to D, or just keeping me happy until she decide if she wants to D. Or just relieved to be free at this time and possibly lettin g some anger go. Mind reading, but there is no confrontation, or anything. It is like we are just continuing our roommate/friend relationship (her words).

I am just trying to not be her emotional pillow.

Ahhh. Thought of one thing. There were a couple interactions where I appeared more sullen than upbeat and carefree. I would have rather acted "as if". But I can change that.

I wish you luck. Hop on and dont forget your barf bag.

[daybyday]

I wanted to post a small obstacle that I feel I got past last night. I was at a pool with my siblings and their kids enjoying ourselves and I spied a very pretty lady playing with her kid.
I was not interested in talking with her but it was the first time, i think in my whole M, that I thought of another attractive woman and did not compare her to my wife. It was kind of liberating for me. I came home today and cut grass, did some spring cleaning etc. I can run this place without WAW. I'll show her.

I did end up talking to pretty gal but just to help her find her daughters lost earring. My S13 was the stud and found it for her. Small interactions like that one go a long way for me in my detachment process. We will see what tomorrow brings.

[CWOL]

Hmmm. Well, i am kinda in the same boat right at the moment. Her paycheck is barely enough to cover her rent. So groceries and other stuff is coming from joint acct. She is very frugal and always has been but she is really not having to go it alone. I am going to be working to get her off joint acct. But that just creates problems with getting money to support S13 when he is there. Ugh. Probably stay status quo for the time being.

Do you have a legal separation agreement in place, or are you guys just doing it outside the system?

[daybyday]

Just informal separation.

[CWOL]

Just informal separation.

OK, you still have time then.
Definitely open up a new individual account. It's harder to get her off your joint account. Do the planning while you still can...