Diary of an HD Monster

[NotATLDave]

Oh geez, this was some good stuff...I'm not sure where to begin. I'll start with the questions...

1. Do you believe that the lack of sex in your marriage is "your fault"?

Both our faults. I've just recently changed. She's workin on it too.

2. Do you believe that sexlessness is a long-term problem that will never change?

From the negative comments here, I've either completely lost hope or simply set my expectations really low.

Do you believe that the lack of sex poisons everything in your life and in your marriage?

Now that my life is 100% about recovery, yes. I'm very bad at hyperfocusing on one goal at a time. The lack of progress makes me feel like a failure. It's hard to accept that I have 0 control over Ws recovery. Also, I'm now having a hell of a time balancing the "me" stuff because if I spent any time on "me", I would end up inadvertently poisoning a good day. I want to do the stuff I'm good at like work and cycling but both with interfere with my self-imposed "covenants" of our (refurbished) marriage.

Actually, right now, I'm simply tired of trying so hard. Maybe this is good because I will at least be conscious of the goal, and pay attention to the needs of my W more while giving myself some attention.

Being really sick today with a stomach virus was a good thing for me mentally. I knew that LM was out of the question tonight so I felt "free" to be me again. I respected my Ws needs by ensuring that I picked up after myself and I was able to out on my happy face today despite the fact that I was hurling in the bathroom all day. I hate the fact that every thing my W does seems like a test. I'm now at n-3 for LM but the circumstances have made it ok. I asked her when she will feel like getting "lovie" with me and she told me that I have to not puke for 24 hours. I don't really care to rush it but I'm still trying to figure out the right way to remind her that we had a deal.