Quick backstory: Hubby and I divorced 13ish years ago and remarried 10 years ago. No children. We spent the first 6 yrs. of our new marriage in a sexless, semi-together, mostly arguing state. Then he lost his job. During the two years he was unemployed, he came to see me differently and our marriage thrived. We both lost a bunch of weight, and our sex life returned and was finally what I would call a normal sex life. We were both extremely in love with each other. Then he found a new job which gave him a promotion. He works directly under the owner, manages two buildings and 40ish employees. He works all the time. As the work piled on, the sex died out. I have had a huge chip on my shoulder about that and let myself gain 50 pounds. We haven't had sex in over two years now.
Soooooo, he comes home two days ago and says he loves me but misses the intimacy and is not "in" love with me. He (of course) swears it's not me or the weight and that he's always had intimacy and trust issues (which is true). He says he doesn't think he can ever get back to where we were but wants to be friends.
After the first divorce, I turned to Divorce Busting. Once I began a new life, he realized what he'd done and wanted to get back together. During our separation, we were NOT friends. I was still angry with him and keeping up my walls, and as far as I was concerned once I accepted the relationship was over, I was NEVER going to be his friend. Eventually, I began to see that my walls were keeping me from getting what I ultimately wanted which was marriage to him. He now worries that I will refuse to be a friend and will cut him off from my family (literally the only persons he has left in his family are his elderly father and aunt).
I am trying to reach back to my old days of Dbing and trying to stay calm and collected and unemotional. I have told him that it didn't matter if he had been trying to fall back "in" love with me because I had not been doing the same. I had been waiting on things to miraculously get better. I guess I thought that once he really settled into his new career things would go back to normal.
I probably shouldn't have done this, but I asked him to give us 6 months to actively try to come together before we planned on divorcing. He has agreed but is afraid I am setting myself up for failure.
Any advice would be welcome. The last time I was involved with DBing, I was trying to accept my loss and move on...this time I am trying to hold onto a love I am sure still exists while at the same time trying to get a hold of myself and prepare for what might be inevitable.
